You have to do what’s right for you!

And your children of course!

I have had a very surreal day and it’s not even something I can blog about. I will reveal at some point but I can’t right now. Not 100% sure how I feel about the events from today, I feel confused! Me being the person I am is finding that difficult but it’s for the best at the moment. It follows on from my breakthrough the other day. I also found out it wasn’t him in court after all.

I am still considering contact for my baby. Like previously stated, in an ideal world. He steps up and becomes a good honest loyal dad, I believe he can but if he doesn’t then as long as I keep it all recorded I will have reasons for why contact was denied. Judges these days do not care, the man could have beaten my close to death but would still win access via a court order and that’s the truth! Who wants a lengthy drawn out court case if it can be avoided? I have always always stated I would not be bitter, as events have developed I have feared I will be. I hope with support from the correct people (aka social services) then we can avoid any more bitterness, nastiness or court orders. I have to have some faith right ?? Talking of social services she hasn’t seen us in 3 weeks! She told me on Wednesday she was coming on Friday! Hmm it’s meant to be weekly visits!

Being a single mum is hard. It’s even harder when there is no father on the scene at all. I’m booking up festivals for the summer and it would be good if my baby had her dad to have her rather than me feeling like a burden or worrying about her. I had it easy with my first daughter, really easy. Like I said faith! I need it!

Having some faith has eased me. I for a while have been scared of a long drawn out process. I’m sick of court stuff, sick of it!