All about me!

Days like these ..

When you want to cry but there are no tears, your heart feels heavy, your mind feels stuffy. This is my current state. I feel like I want to shout so hard, but I have no words. I am numb. My past feels like just a nightmare that I didn't really live. I sometimes feel... Continue Reading →


January .. goal setting and new starts

Well over half way through January and I haven't done what I said. Blog more!! I feel a bit flat. Work is amazing. Work is busy and I absolutely love it. It gives me purpose. My children give me purpose and love. Sometimes I lack the other love though and that's natural. I do spend... Continue Reading →

Merry Christmas

2019 is not far away. Recently I've been ok, but only ok. The ex is still in prison and I have visited him. I feel it's the best thing to do for our daughter and a small part of me still feels like it is my place to make sure he doesn't feel alone and... Continue Reading →

Here we go again…

Again a few weeks have passed and my life has not stopped. His last disappearance actually had an explanation and something happened that possibly should of meant we could say goodbye but in fact it only bought us closer together. He hasn't been particularly abusive since, or controlling and apart from the last blog post... Continue Reading →

I’m still here..

.. and I'm still battling. Months have passed since my last blog post and I felt like I had my control back. The ex was 'manageable' shall I say and other than just believing that my only hope of ever moving on properly was when his lifestyle finally caught up with him, I was doing... Continue Reading →

Lies and deceit

I have never felt so betrayed by a group of people in my life. So betrayed and angry that I actually fell for the bullshit. I worked out for myself along time ago social services could not be trusted but I thought I had support with some others. Especially since to my face they are... Continue Reading →

What is gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic which a person uses to gain more power over an individual. It is a form of emotional abuse which takes lying to a different level. A pathological liar is equally as dangerous but gaslighting is one of the most harmful forms of mental and emotional abuse. The aim is clear,... Continue Reading →

Taking back that control

It's crazy how quickly it creeps back. They are very clever with how they do it and slowly I am feeling like I am suffocating once again. Back in January when he made that contact (by breaking into my home whilst I slept - yes that is insane ) there were a few things he... Continue Reading →

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