Day 6

Today we shall call a relapse. Today we shall ignore. For an intelligent girl I ain’t half a bit fucking thick sometimes. 

Of course he’s been back there. A few things he said today played on my mind this evening. Why the hell did I even call him this morning, and more importantly why the hell did I have sex with him!? The sex is good though … ffs. What I need to do is … find someone else to occupy and stimulate my mind. Use him from time to time to fuck up his shit and just look super fucking hot all the time. 

He isn’t sorry, this literally is like deja vu. Telling me one thing, no doubt telling her what she wants to hear too. Tonight he was all saying gonna come see you .. I sensed he wouldn’t but it just makes no fucking sense. He promised, said how he’s crazy about me, wants me back but yet he then ghosts on me yet a fucking gain!! He answered my sisters phone though, a number he doesn’t recognise but not mine!! Then he does … and says oh and I really want to be with someone like this! Loves to make out like it’s my fault again. 

Sent her a long message too. But when I went to block her, the little cunt had already done it. So he’s probably blocked me on her phone too. You know what I’m no longer hurt, I had moments earlier but I now just think what the actual fuck is his problem and I am ready to destroy him. No amounts of ‘you are the strongest white woman I know’ whilst wrapping his arms around me will make me feel for him again. ‘Look at me’ he says, then tells me ‘maybe I need to properly lose you to make me realise’, oh give over. You’re a cunt, a waste of space and like I told this new one she’ll find out very soon for herself. A free ride he wants, he’ll move himself in after 2 weeks of knowing her and like I said yesterday he can deal with the absolute rubbish he throws at people on a daily basis! Booyah! 

To be honest my plan was to not kick off and just disappear if he didn’t show but I couldn’t help myself. It was fun! 

Ate a bit more than I should today, but day 7 tomorrow. Detox from him day 1 ready to commence, dying my hair and that means business! I may even add to my tattoo this week. Out at the weekend and just have FUN!