I am no longer ashamed and I no longer feel alone. I no longer feel confused about what has happened and no longer blame myself. This has taken some time but I got there. I never thought I would. But I did and now I aim to help other woman understand and know their worth and give them the strength too.
The law changed in 2015, where a new offence was created making it illegal for any ‘coercive and controlling behaviour’ in an intimate or family relationship. It’s worrying that this law is not being used to it’s full advantage, police, social services and the courts are not clued up enough and perpetrators are getting away with these very sick crimes. My abuser has left me with PTSD, an inability to trust and only nasty memories of the last 4 years! He’s ok though, he acts like he’s not, but he is. No emotion, no empathy and no punishment for ruining that part of my life.
I was told it was easy, that it really is that easy to break that cycle. It is not! Do not let anyone tell you that! I even had the professional input with social services and domestic abuse teams but when someone is THAT controlling and manipulative it is far more difficult than ANYONE would ever think. Without a non-molestation order he would continue to disrespect me, believe it was his right to come and go as he pleased, believe it was his right to have my body whenever he liked and continued to make me feel so so low and just fucking TRAPPED! This is a great article that was shared in the Facebook group I manage Breaking Free
It is clear from my blog that I have suffered with domestic violence. I’ve been hit, punched, back handed, and even bit. Bruises heel, the pain eventually goes. However the stuff that really hurts and stays deep within is the emotional abuse. Name calling, lying, tying me up in knots, controlling behaviours, pretty much anything that has left me feeling isolated, worthless, anxious, sick, sometimes suicidal and literally so desperate for a way out
This is my story. The story of a domestic abuse victim. I did not realise how abused I really was until I escaped! I really want to help other women notice their worth, educate themselves, realise that none of what is happening is ‘love’ because that is the ONLY reason I got out. I was fortunate enough to learn this, otherwise I would still be stuck on that hamster wheel today.
My blog posts can be found in the archives tab but I appreciate there is a lot of posts that are not as worth while reading so I’ve picked out the posts that are of real importance to really paint the picture of this terrible abusive life I have been living. I also didn’t blog everything and now looking back I wish I had, but it was too often and I was too ashamed!
I think it is also important to highlight that just because you may not have experienced someone this bad. That does not make it any more acceptable. Abusers manipulate our minds, and we spend too long justifying and unpuzzling this other person in the hope of just understanding to stop the bad stuff. Hoping they’ll then be that person you fell in love with and you’ll have that life they promised.
The point is if you are feeling anyway down, worthless, trapped, unappreciated and living your life tredding on eggshells or feeling anxious then seek support. If you describe them like Jekyll & Hyde, or catch them out with lying (no matter how small), or find yourself so confused about what the hell is going on then that is not right. Life is not meant to be like that, and love is certainly not meant to feel like that.
7th May 2016 Time to be honest!
15th May 2016 23 Weeks pregnant…
16th May 2016 It gets worse..
2nd June 2016 I can do this right!!
10th June 2016 Why do I always believe the lies?
1st July 2016 And then the princess told the prince ..
8th July 2016 3am Lasagne
27th July 2016 The unreasonable man..
3rd September 2016 9 days to GOOO!!
7th October 2016 Acceptance …
24th October 2016 It needs to be goodbye …
6th November 2016 Finally I’ve done it. I’ve made the cut off!
10th January 2017 I was desperate
8th February 2017 I have an addiction..
24th March 2017 My ‘love’ back behind bars !
25th August 2017 4 months on!
10th October Focus on the Freedom!
15th October 2017 You don’t get to tell me what to do ever again!!
17th October 2017 No contact is the only way..
24th November 2017 Aftermath of trauma..
17th December 2017 This time last year