Are strong and independent women unattractive to men?

Facts are facts apparently, and in no time in history has a man desired a woman who is strong and independent.

This is what I was told by the man I have been sleeping with. Despite being told that this wasn’t about me, it’s quite difficult to separate the emotion that that statement brings. I was very direct and asked many times what does he see in me then and rather than getting reassurance and compliments I was just told… that basically ‘majority of women are modern and therefore he is a realist and has to accept it for what it is.’

I explained many times that there are millions of women that are more traditional than me (opposite of modern) but he dismissed that. The conversation went on and I had just about got over what he was saying and maybe even started to understand a little more. Probably tried to deny my own strength and independence and blamed it on the fact I have had to be those things and I’ve had no other choice and that maybe if I had met a different man I wouldn’t be where I am today. However, the next day I woke up to 6 videos from YouTube sent by him about how women like this are unattractive. I mean Jesus!

I picked one video, it was disgusting quite frankly. Ambitious, assertive, competitive women are not attractive was the message. Very antagonist to say the least, I am those things! I shared it with a professional who does this stuff day in day out and he did a Facebook live on it. Whilst he understood the message, he also stated it wasn’t articulated well and of course women like those described in the video would be triggered. The man who shared it with me got passive aggressive with me , told me to shoot the message not the messenger , facts are facts, blah blah. He also told me that ‘I am an adult and should have the emotional intelligence to digest it and not react.’ What crap. It hurt me. A man I’ve grown close too was telling me this stuff and the underlying message is that I’m not attractive. How else should I react ?

This is the same man who told me women are naturally more emotional and wants feminine energy was now trying to suppress my emotions. I even told him straight, that he wasn’t making me feel good. I need reassurance and I would like to know what he does see in me. The positives. I was then accused of playing the victim. I was trapped and was left completely confused as to what he was trying to say to me.

It is only more recently that I have thought about having a man to take care of me, to pay for dates , how nice it would have been if I didn’t need to worry about the mortgage when I was pregnant or how my children were going to eat at times. My rent has gone up considerably and it’s starting to get really tiresome doing it all on my own. I do understand how hard it must be for a masculine man in todays society who want to be the provider and the breadwinner. I really do, but I also do not think for a second that all successful women do not want a provider and all have the same mindset that they want to pay for things and lead.

I watched another video , now this made more sense to me. Women can be all those great things at work but just avoid doing it at home in relationship. Don’t try and lead, don’t be competitive, don’t try and compete. The crucial point being if you want a real masculine man. The professional, I spoke to also explained that actually there are many relationships that work very well with a balance. Some men don’t mind not making all the decisions, and that actually it’s only important for women to get into their feminine energy if they want a more masculine man. Maybe that’s a very dumbed down version but you get the jist.

I know for one I can absolutely step into my feminine energy and enjoy and accept. I’ve had male strangers from the internet buy me things, I’ve asked strangers to fill my car tyres up (hate blue car jobs), my eldest daughters dad has built every single piece of furniture I own, if there is a maintenance job that needs doing I simply just won’t do it. I find a man to do it for me. Just because I have degrees, I have ambition, I compete with myself and my colleagues daily to be the best and have confidence does not mean I need to compete with a man or even want to. A man’s status and earnings were never forefront of what I saw in a man. As I’ve got older this has become more appealing to me and perhaps it’s because of my past I was so avoidant of it but that is for another day.

Thing is I really do wonder what he does see in me. I’ve known him for nearly 2 years, he’s followed my Snapchat. He knows I’m opinionated and have a voice, he knows I’m a huge football fan and drink pints and when I really think about it, I am a natural leader, naturally competitive (sales driven working environment it’s a necessary trait). He knows I rely on no one but myself. I have never been the domesticated type. I hate cleaning, the idea of staying at home looking after the children until they go to school literally gives me genuine fear. So naturally I have to question

… what the hell are we doing here ??

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: