Positive positive ! 

I realised last night how negative my blog always is. It’s true from what my midwife says that people only tend to blog when things are bad.

I promised myself today I would have a better day. I didn’t sleep too well though and I was already stressed out before 11am when my daughter wouldn’t get dressed! I have no energy and I struggle with simple tasks. Dominic tells me I need to take it more easy but I don’t actually even do a lot , just getting ready I struggle. 

I felt better by about 1am and agreed to go into town with my mum sister niece and daughter. I got a new dress to wear for Sunday (my baby shower) nothing fancy but at least I have something. Then I sat in a deckchair at the market square artificial beach with the girls whilst mum and sis went off shopping.

Tonight me and my friend decided to take the next step in trying to get in touch with a life long friend who has cut us off for the past 2/3 months. Basically back in May this particular friend came to mine at 3am and made a statement to the police about her ‘boyfriend’ of two years. The statement was horrific, the violence that girl had endured made me physically sick. I knew the relationship was toxic but ALOT more went on than she ever made out. She was sorry, she was thankful for us being there and she felt ashamed for not getting away sooner. Only days later it came to light she retracted her statement and then decided she didn’t want our friendship anymore. Without explanation she cut us off and got back with him. We’ve been friends since we were 11 years old!! 

Tonight we went to speak to her mum, we are too good of friends to accept that that is it. She’s back with an abusive man and what’s more WHEN it goes wrong again she has no one! Her mum didn’t have a clue, she knew the police were involved but she assumed she has got away. She was very thankful we had told her and she said how she is lucky to have friends like us but is biding her time to talk it all out with her until after her brothers wedding. 

She messaged us both via a group on whatsapp since and has basically told us she is thankful for us being there but she just wants to put everything behind her. We’ve questioned why that means we can’t be friends still and she’s just chosen to ignore us again. It does hurt, I miss her loads but I do go through days where I think ‘selfish stubborn bitch’ to other days where I think ‘she needs us, she’s confused vulnerable and unsure.’ We still can’t give up though, no way. 

My positives for today :

• Our friend actually communicating. Saying ‘thankyou’ when we said hope she was ok and she did also say ‘hope you’re ok too’. This is progress from having no response from a text and she even hung up on my friend too! 
• My top picture is a snap of what my nan had made for me. How cute!! So much stuff there that I will need for my baby. I can pack my hospital bags now, seems so real! 
• I saw on a baby group how women feel upset about their men who are not interested in their bump at all. I don’t have that problem. Dominic talks to her, kisses my bump, loves feeling her move, tries to wake her up and will talk about his love for her. Ok he can be bloody selfish, and can say hurtful things but he is also very very loving. I guess I should give him more praise for that. PLUS he was actually on time today!! SHOCK!! 

Even though everything isn’t resolved with said friend as explained with my positive point 1, I can feel content this evening that we made progress. 

I go to sleep feeling happy … I just hope these restless legs don’t disturb my sleep too much tonight !