Finally after 1 adjournment due to him and 1 for judicial reasons tomorrow I am back in court, this time unrepresented.
I knew this was going to be the case, last time was awful anyway and quite frankly my solicitor aided to how distressing and emotionally draining it really was. Handing me over that letter with very little compassion or emotion not realising the true impact of it on me.
I have had issues with the Legal Aid Agency quite frankly doing everything they can to prolong it all, make it difficult and simply create more hurdles for people like me. For example ‘provide evidence of the £10 and £30 transactions that were to and from my mate’…. I mean really ? I don’t care anyway, I use this to make me even stronger. I got this.
I doubt very much he will show, I have been prepped by a family law solicitor who I know through a mutual friend and I am confident it will be ok. The worst that can happen is they dismiss the order, and if they do then I shall deal with it. I’m hoping however for an extension, I thought April was long enough but it’s not!
I’ve started speaking to a really nice guy. We’ve met now and already I am feeling into him and that’s scaring me. When he left on Friday all I could imagine was him hitting me or being nasty to me, which is INSANE. He’s really supportive and knows my situation and unlike the last one I got emotionally close too he is understanding. I have decided as one of my 2018 rules to not do the wild me, 🙈🤣 , it served a purpose after I first split from my ex but it won’t be too long and it would make me feel like crap sooo it was goodbye to the meaningless pointless sex on New Year’s Eve. Let’s be honest I don’t really have the time either to entertain numerous men and all the longed drawn out dating process. I am now picky who I invest my time on, and M is still taking a lot of my time. FFS.
With both M and the new one it’s nice to actually have a two way conversation! Especially M I tell him about my day, every day, and he’s engaging and takes notice. It’s not just because of where he is either because he was ALWAYS like this before. He is not over the top nice, and he never says things like ‘you’re mine’ which I’ve now learnt is a major red flag. I’m not a possession. I have to dig compliments out of him which is always funny, he has told me he loved me before but I pretty much made him and even though he says it would bother him if I met someone else he says ‘as long as you are happy.’ My point is he’s soooo different to all the over the top soul mate fake love shit my abuser love bombed me with and for that reason I will continue our talks and see where it goes. The new one told me he deleted his POF account today, not his style to find someone he likes and continue to talk and chase other women. There are no red flags! Yet I’m scared! Damn PTSD, damn all this BS that bastard put me through. Fuck him.
I met with the book coach. I am so excited. I need to regain my focus though.
Gym, Study, Write, Blog, Work, and Read….. oh and no carbs!!