Never be a prisoner of your past. It was just a lesson not a life sentence

I’m blogging earlier tonight. I’ve had a rough day kinda, well I don’t know!

It started off well then I was hit with an image of the new Leeds United badge and the fact wireless has sold out! Gutted! What made it worse was I was on the booking page , I was on it just yesterday but then because of postage fees I suggested we all booked together. Fucks sake!

Then my friend messaged me, she has a little boy with my ex’s friend. She told me that yesterday was their last court date and the judge ruled no contact at all. Great news! However she mentioned my ex was there too! I felt sick, he was meant to be 70 miles away!! He had a hearing himself, whether that was his drugs charge or the breach of the non mol I don’t know! But it’s tipped me back over, I still feel physically sick. I can’t eat right now (which isn’t a bad thing) and I’ve spent a good hour ranting to my friend again about that statement!

I even drove on auto-pilot and skipped the gym which also put me in a bad mood! Before I knew it I was at the nursery and had no chance of getting to the gym on time!

Without even re-reading the awful statement of lies I have so much going on in my head! None of it is fact! None of it! I still can’t believe he had anything to do with it! Why was the second statement signed and not that one? Why?!

My ex is a proud man. An asshole, but proud! I find it hard to believe he would be prepared to admit that he allowed me to be a prostitute whilst pregnant and more recently! I say admit because none of it is true! This is a man who on fear of even us splitting up would say ‘as if I’m having a baby mum out every weekend’ but he’d have a baby mum selling her body right?! Course fucking not!

Equally he told me off for drinking too much Dr Pepper let alone cocaine!! The words such as ‘casual relationship and not serious’, what a cold nasty thing to say. Not to mention untrue, I have proof of our correspondence when he was in jail and none of it says that ‘I should leave him alone.’ All of the letters he wrote are saved in a box, all telling me how I’m his soul mate how he loves me and planning our future together! Are they crazy!!??

I have proof he was dealing drugs! I have proof he didn’t end the relationship in March or April or whatever he states! How do I contact him in jail asking to be a family ?? The emails I did write to him (again I can prove) are not nice at all. He was the one ringing me, he wrote me a letter which every fucker read! (Including his mum and sister) ! Funny they both said ‘don’t believe him, actions speak louder than words.’ Now they’ve turned this vicious and nasty on me!

I still want to speak to him. I really do! I am struggling to shake that off. I want to hear him tell me what the fuck he’s playing at! I even felt sorry for him again earlier! He’s NEVER going to come back from this, he’s kissed goodbye to a relationship with his own daughter because he’s let it spiral to this attack through court. None of this was necessary the weird psychopathic liars!! It isn’t even about contact, there was no purpose other than to make me feel like this!

I need to erase it from my mind. Put it in a box and focus on what is important. They are not important. They are awful human beings, they are sinners and karma will get them and their sad pathetic existence of life!

On a positive I’ve ate well, and when I can eat I have some chicken and salad.

Come on Kerry , do not allow them to control your emotions and your life anymore!

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