January .. goal setting and new starts

Well over half way through January and I haven’t done what I said. Blog more!!

I feel a bit flat. Work is amazing. Work is busy and I absolutely love it. It gives me purpose. My children give me purpose and love. Sometimes I lack the other love though and that’s natural.

I do spend too much focusing on the lack of it, law of attraction says to not confuse my desires. How can I not? It’s obvious I have no one here, no one to spend my weekends with or watch films with. I want that. I want it but I want it properly. I’ve dodged men who are not serious, they are just a distraction to what I really desire. I rather no man to that man.

I have booked a trip to Las Vegas. This makes me happy. I am lucky my life gives me that opportunity although I am stressing over paying for it. Nothing new there though.

Since before Christmas I have been speaking with a guy. Well educated, good job, great conversation that is deep and meaningful. He respected I wanted to take things slow but now it seems to slow, no action no lead taking! He did show me a red flag which I took a step back but he then went out of his way to apologise and we sorted that out. I felt proud my boundaries were strong but after the initial buzz of his apology it is now flat again.

Ex calls a lot from jail, M still calls also believing he loves me. I suspect that not to be true. I fear October 2020 will be here and me still not moved on. (This will happen as I believe it to be true).

This weekend I will most likely mope. Next week is a new start x

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