You’re fluent in lies, excuses and bullshit..

.. and that he is! I feel angry with myself if I am honest. I saw the signs, chose to ignore them, figured he would actually tell me the truth since he always did before, and was adamant I wasn’t interested in him ‘like that’s but I am angry and need to write.

The ‘friend’ is who I am talking about. Brief history then, we matched on Tinder in January 2017 for reasons such as the abusive ex being around and being on off with him we didn’t meet until July 2018. I cast my mind back to the early days and he told me he had been in a relationship and that it was now over, strong relationship then to be on Tinder, a bit like mine!

We met a few times and then around October time we had some drama which led to him admitting he was still sleeping with his ex. I couldn’t talk I had too before he went to jail in september but decided I needed to nip it in the bud. I didn’t want to be in a love triangle. I had a few missed calls in this time and texts but I swerved them. Then by March of 2019 after being celibate since I last saw him I reached out again. I text him and he came round that night and told me he was no longer with her.

From March last year it has been off and on again and I even suspected he went on holiday with a girl but let it slide after he completely ignored a message I sent about leaving me alone in May. It was then random times we would meet, I would often wake up to missed calls and I learnt to actually just ignore them and not even entertain him the next day. He took up no headspace and it was just a thing we did. Rightly or wrongly at this time I was still not clear on his relationship status, I felt it wasn’t my problem and I wasn’t wanting anything more from him.

In December we spoke and saw each other more regularly and I started to wonder what we was, where was it going, he told me he was single. He told me loads of other bull crap to be honest and I quite liked the set up we had. I never called him though, he did all the running. January we didn’t see each other but then randomly in February he called one Sunday and I spent the day with him. Throughout the whole time he always told me that I never bothered with him and etc etc, I actually believed him and thought ok maybe it is me. I haven’t been honest with my feelings. I had set the boundaries and allowed his behaviour of picking me up when he liked but I did wonder what would have happened should I had been more forward.

Since it started up again in February we have spoke quite a bit. I don’t always run when he calls but I did try and get across to him this week that I did care for him (he has seemed taken a back in the past when I told him I had no feelings.) The man has the emotional intelligence of a bat though like literally and it did not seem to register to him! Last week and again today he’s been ringing and voice noting and texting about going to his. When I refused late one night last week and then fell asleep I had missed calls even at 4am, the next day on my case again and then questioned who was in my bed. I obviously blogged about the weekend and the phone call he made Sunday where he told me he cares and I was a good friend. Give over!

Anyway we were talking today and I was sending funny memes etc etc he again wanted me to see him, asked me if I had met someone else as for the reason for not. Then when I told him I was busy (Clearly I am not given the circumstances) he questioned who I was seeing. The boy is rattled!

Evening has came and I’m scrolling Facebook and a girl with the same first name I suspected was his ‘ex girlfriend’ who was repeatedly ringing him the other week when he was in my bed, had put love hearts on his update profile picture! He lied and told me at the time and that ‘she isn’t my girlfriend anymore but she wants to be.’ I was very firm at this time and said if that’s the truth ok but if you are torturing this poor girl and cheating like this then that isn’t ok. Seeing her ring back to back like that bothered me. It bought back memories and I don’t want to be the other girl. I believed him! I believed she just didn’t want to let him go. What a dickhead.

Tonight has confirmed it. He is a liar. He is a cheat, and emotionally abusive with it. The day she was ringing his phone he was with me ALL day. God knows what he told her when he finally communicated with her! We’ve always been honest about tinder and dating life and it isn’t just me he’s cheated on her with. He was back on Tinder, POF etc etc.

My initial reaction was to message her, tell her, girl code and all. But then a friend spoke sense to me. She won’t believe me, she’ll only take him back, I can’t be arsed with drama at my table and she knows deep down. She definitely does. He has previous which resulted in a child and still took him back then. It isn’t my problem.

My problem is he has met my children, lied to me when he never did before and all the corona drama made me crave him. Perhaps only because there has been no one else, not real anyway and because of the emotions running through me I was under an illusion I wanted him. It is easy to want someone you feel comfortable with, my youngest daughter loved him and he had a soft spot for her too.

He’s told me before he wouldn’t be able to cope if I blocked him but tonight I have, only on WhatsApp though not brought myself to do all social media yet. It’s a strong enough message to say I am angry but I am not bitter. I sent an angry message calling him a mug and ended it with ‘yes I have met someone else’. Lol. I am technically not wrong. I don’t actually feel emotional about it, just angry that a man gets away with this stuff.

This social distancing might not be so bad after all !!

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