business – Behind These Bluest Eyes

So that’s it , Christmas out the way. Well almost!

Christmas Day went ok, I was awake at 5am. Made me laugh when friends and relatives asked ‘what time was she up?’ referring to my daughter. She wasn’t the problem, it was me! I just couldn’t sleep, she woke at 6am and I then went back to sleep after we had done presents, well a little lay down can hardly call it sleep when you have a 6 year old buzzing around in your face. He rang me in the morning, was unusual for him, usually he calls me lunch time but it was a nice surprise all the same. ‘Merry Christmas baby’ I said, it just seemed natural, he seemed ok considering and later he admitted Christmas wasn’t THAT bad and he in fact found his birthday worse. I put this down to that fact last year he didn’t really have a Christmas, his dad who lives close to me was in Jamaica, his Auntie was doing something else and so he ended up with a takeaway with his half brother (who can only be described as a waste of space). We hadn’t been together long enough to ‘meet the parents’ so after spending Christmas eve with me, I picked him back up on the eve of Christmas Day. I’m not sure why his mother wasn’t involved around this time last year, they spoke yes but considering this woman has made comments about Christmas not being the same I find it hard to accept she has the same sunken sad feeling as me.

After our very large Christmas dinner I did feel a little low, scrolling through facebook and seeing the amounts of ‘couples’ that were soooo ‘happy’ and soooo ‘lucky’, (whether they are or not is another story of course.) It was hard to see all the same, knowing I would do anything just to spend the evening with him, forget the presents, or the engagement rings just time. The time, would be so precious. My only saving grace was the fact , he would be with us next year. Next year no tag, no cells, no prison phone calls or visits, he would be with us. I can only imagine how other wives , mothers, girlfriends, husbands, boyfriends, fathers could possible feel if the sentence was longer. Victims in ALL of this.

Boxing Day was ok, made the decision to go out. That didn’t end too well, got too drunk and just far too emotional. I guess it’s a good thing I know alcohol doesn’t help, many people in a situation like this would turn to drink or drugs to help them through it. Not me. They are a depressant, I certainly don’t need anything to heighten this. Laying off the booze is certainly something I will be doing in the New Year. Not that I will miss it anyway. I have changed.

So today is New Years Eve, no longer going to London just a night in with my sister, her partner and our girls. I’m glad. I couldn’t bear the thought of driving all that way today, getting all glammed up and feeling lost and incomplete. Again I can get through this… next year I will be with him, and to be honest just a night in with him on New Year would do me just fine.

We’ve had a big week with the business, some changes will be being made which could mean I can give my man a job when he comes home. Yesterday I got back into my uni reading and I’m feeling pretty positive.

I’m reading a book I found for the Kindle. It’s about a 35 year old man serving a prison sentence for the first time in England, its not brilliantly written but its real. A lot of the stuff I can relate too in a weird way even though I am not the prisoner. It definitely quashes all the tabloids speculations of prison being like ‘holiday camps,’ I may even get my father to read it who made a comment about prisoners living in luxury! Yeh! Don’t get me started!! Anyway this book is written pretty much the way my blog is, and it has prompted me to do the same. There are no books (or any I could find) about prisoners loved ones. Something I can do, and will do. This journey won’t end when he’s out ,won’t even end when he’s off tag, April 2017 will be when his 2 year 8 months sentence will have ended. Even then would it all be over? Only time will tell.

I seem to be just falling out with everyone this week. People are so bloody dumb, not my fault I am dealing with jobsworths on a regular. Now don’t get me wrong I do love people, the industry I work in I meet so many great people. All like-minded, all creative, interesting, funny, mostly smart and genuinely just fun to be around. What do I do? Well without going into too much about my career history, since June 2013 I have worked in the promotions industry. I had a successful time within the leisure industry as a membership sales consultant starting from 2010. I won a trip to Las Vegas plus many other incentives and bonus’s, not to mention met my best friend and many other good friends within this company. Made a big mistake when I was headhunted into a recruitment company, basic was higher, earning potential was greater, mon – fri, just like I thought I wanted. BUT culture shock or what? Spent my weekends dredding monday. Spent the days just dredding each hour. Hated every single minute. The company left me feeling depressed. Thought it was me? I left on mutual terms, kinda, and they belittled me made me feel worthless and unhappy and a complete failure. My boss, was like a jumped up devil spawned female, granted she was turning over thousands each year, but I was smarter than that. Smarter than just looking at her figures but more at how she got there. She got lucky! All there was too it, and I was meant to look up to her? No chance. She couldn’t sell ice to the eskimos, or whatever that saying is. I would try and learn from her, her crap ‘sales’ calls that ended her getting flustered and just angry if something didn’t go her way. No one liked her. The office had a HORRIBLE presence constantly and I dare not breathe out of line in case we woke the beast. Felt like I was at school. I wasn’t depressed, I just was not happy in that environment. I was not me. Always crying. Mad how a company can completely change you as a person. That ended, and it wasn’t long until I joined a new company. Much more me. Full of young people. The culture was similar to what I was used to and I was once again a different person. Enjoyed going to work. Everything was going in the right direction. Then BAM, made redundant. Still doesn’t make sense to this day but again not something I dwell on unless I think about it too much. I was just angry with them, they should never have hired me in the first place if they had an inkling the business wasn’t growing the way they wanted it too. So again I found myself career less with no real idea what I wanted to do. Recruitment wasn’t for me though, how can a person be so disposable?! It was then I decided, I work for the government or work for myself.

Promo has been great, working for lots of fantastic different companies. Pick when I work. My own boss in a sense and I can manage my time. Currently I am an elf, how great is that! Anyway within this time it gave myself, my sister and my sisters boyfriend and idea for a business and so now we are running that. The shop opened last monday and so the past week we have been doing everything to market the brand, whilst being an elf and a law student of course. (Oh yeh forgot to mention the last part)

So the people… yes the people who have been pissing me off this week…. well we have the PCSO who told me it was an offence to swear in a public place, an ‘area manager’ of a previous company me and my sister was contracted too telling us ‘the lawyers are looking into it’ and then today a Security guard telling me I cannot leaflet. All in all… I have had a great week for pissing people off.

Or they are just out to piss me off!

Tag: business

Happy New Year!!