Two months have passed since my last post, I was even hiding this bad thing then but I couldn’t come to terms with what I was doing just then. I was hiding it from everyone even my closest friend but it felt right and felt ok. If I didn’t admit to it that is. He’s been on the scene since the middle of May.
I tell myself that it’s ok, I’m still there mentally for my incarcerated loved one and it is him who I love but I need physical love and attention. I did so well without but I caved. Would he of been so loyal? No. Were we in a strong relationship? No. In fact he’s been locked up longer than the time we’ve actually spent together. That’s just madness. I do love him, very much, but I don’t want to spend the rest of my life resenting him for this time. If he comes home and it doesn’t work then so be it but it’s my life and it’s there to be enjoyed. Sex is to be enjoyed. I need sex. I love sex. And with my current track record it seems I’m pretty good at it.
However it’s nights like tonight I do just want my boo home. I know where I stand. We are friends. The sex is on point and the connection we have is electric. There’s no games, we understand one another. The guy I have been seeing was really full on at the beginning, we were seeing each other quite a bit as he lives near where I go to uni (a good 60 miles away from me) and the feelings were growing. I knew I would leave as soon as release day came. Then we have the guy who broke my heart years ago! Yup he’s piped up again, I proudly tell him I have a boyfriend and he responds saying ‘good you deserve to be happy’. I was also in a very uncomfortable position with my boyfriends cousin, yes the one I hated somehow ended up in my bed and he was trying it on with me!! So vile.. I was screaming at him to stop and was showing him pictures of me and my man. Telling him if he did it it was rape. He stopped! Now he’s just messaged me asking what I’m up too! He knows it’s NEVER gonna happen right ?!?
Behind These Bluest Eyes 
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