The ‘affair’ has come to an end. I knew it had too, I knew I wanted it too but doesn’t mean it makes it any easier. My mind is still doing over time but my ultimate feeling is that it is for the best. It needed to end anyway, he would never compare to my man. In the past 2 weeks he needs to see my beautiful face and I’m still his ‘dirty bitch’. He was the guy who would call me in the morning, call me to make sure I got home ok, call me whilst he was at work and call me for hours in the evening. I remember even wondering whether he was a bit of a loner as he was always in. It was this company I needed, this company that made me weak when all I really wanted was my actual man home. Last Friday he rings me and was shocked to hear I was at the cinema alone, I should of gone to him apparently. Saturday he did text me but then was so long about it I didn’t reply to his last message in the evening. On Sunday I tried to call him and then again Monday morning. No response. I then sent a long arse crazy message. I had had enough just because I didn’t want to see him again in that way didn’t mean we couldnt be friends. He finally gets back to me on Tuesday evening, I ignored his first call of course and then I let him have his say. He was totally oblivious to even my message, it’s just so bizarre!! He understood what I saying though, brought up something I had said when drunk and told me he didn’t want me to get out his life! He then did the usual ‘I’ll call you back’ …
Anyway when I think positively about it I know it’s my actual boyfriend I want. I saw him Thursday and nobody ties my tummy in knots like he does. I can just stare into his eyes and feel a sense of warmth, security and passion. He has no ex’s or kids to come between us. No distance. His criminal activity will have stopped and it can just be me and him forever. I can scream and shout and wish I had never met this one, but it’s told me a lot. I can never say ‘what if’ .. I’ve attempted to try someone new.. And I still just want him. He was always second best, someone to pass my time. I honestly didn’t want it to end like this, we could have been friends, but maybe the idea I was never going to stay forever just got to him too much.
I’ll await his text, because there will be one, but in the meantime I need to let it go. He’s not important!
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