A new start ?

I failed in waiting for him to call, Sunday blues came and the sadness took over me. I couldn’t understand how someone who was so involved in my life can literally walk away without a second thought. He responded to my text by saying I had told him not to call me but he would ring me soon. He didn’t. He rang me over 24 hours later. 

He began with small talk, what had I been up too, how am I? He even asked what had I bought him whilst shopping. I joked by saying I had bought him a frying pan to hit him over the head with and not what he had suggested that I was finally going to cook for him. He mentioned that he didn’t understand women and why they needed closure. I pointed out that hanging me on a thread wasn’t fair either, again he didn’t make any real sense and said he still wants to be my friend. He was trying to make it easier for me apparently, how he heard that my Dad was giving my man a job and them sort of things and so didn’t want to get in the way. He knew all of this right from the start, I never once even let him believe maybe we could be together. Maybe I was harsh in saying that he really didn’t need to protect me as I’m the one who would be completely fine as soon as I had my man home. I sensed that he knew this was true. He admitted he had a lot going on and really was in no position to be with me properly, I reiterated that that was never my intention. I feel like more was said, he asked when I was back in town, and seemed sure he would see me again. This leads me to believe that there is no one else but some kind of crazy ‘deal’ that is going on, I did hear something quite suspect when I was last there. Again he went by saying he’d call me back. I will leave him now, it is sad to think he’s out my life now but it was always going to have to be like that one day. It’s not like I don’t have my Mr Right anyway and I’ve been through a lot worse before in regards to losing these man friends, I will cope even if my beloved doesn’t get tag. 

Last night I admitted to my beloved regarding the fling I’ve had. It went better than I expected. He was quiet, angry, hurt, disappointed but he understands that this was just his karma after the way he treated me before. Our call ended on a positive, he truly loves me, this has shown me more than ever. To forgive me for this, takes some guts. My gosh I love him. Within 10 days I should find out if I’m getting him home or not.