I got a reply ..

I woke up this morning after a vivid dream of him ignoring me. I anxiously checked my emails despite being convinced I wouldn’t check until I got to my desk at work.

He had replied!

There were a couple of email exchanges and then I moved it to WhatsApp. He told me in his email he just needed some time and the day I blocked him he really coulda done with his Kerry bear. He repeated this later on saying that all he knew was that he needed or wanted me but wasn’t sure which one. He joked about how I dropped a Kerry nuke but was just hurt after my reaction.

I’m in two minds here , 1 is, did he only want me because I was gone and he had lost control or had it made him realise? 2, I see so many posts about how men need space when these things happen and they retreat but is this REALLY ok? Or is it emotional manipulation?

He has tried to gauge where my head is it. He asked me what level of contact was I expecting as he wanted to make sure he didn’t over or under deliver. I told him I wasn’t expecting anything and he should decide. He suggested contact without telling him to shove books up his arse or die lonely. Whoops. I laughed out loud, didn’t tell him that.

I’ve missed him like mad. I cannot change that and I was horrible without him around. I’m ok now we are talking. I’ve set boundaries, he even suggested a quick meet earlier as he was in my town for a cuddle but I didn’t. It is important I stick to my boundaries and not just pine and cave. I’m fine with being friends…

The problem is I am such a talker I get a million and one opinions and I really don’t think that’s helpful. I’ve had one friend say they think it’s weird we didn’t have sex till date 4. I absolutely don’t! They also think it’s weird we both got std checks in the early days of having sex. I don’t. Suggesting that he’s still with his ex and they just don’t live together. I categorically do not believe this is the case. My single mum friends think differently to my married friends for example too. Like how we only saw each other once a week so yes he must not be that bothered and clearly sleeping around … spending 4 hours on the phone watching Netflix whilst I hear his kids in the background says differently. Like seriously if I questioned all that I would drive myself mad. I trust this side of him.. until others opinions get inside my head of course.

He’s had 2 failed relationships, have had I .. so as my single mum friend said actually they do take it slower and more patient because it’s so important it doesn’t happen again.

See what I mean what a mess!

Anyway the point right now is anyway, he’s there for me to bounce off during the day.. I have my friend back. Which makes me happy. We are not right for a relationship but he’s around.

I don’t know why I can’t sleep!