Category: pregnancy

I feel so angry I don’t even know where to start. My mother is to blame! Who else? Our relationship isn’t that great, mainly due to how different we both are, oh and let’s not forget that growing up she was only ever bitter and unsupportive when he came to my dad.

So I told her the news on Monday. I knew I wouldn’t get her approval but I couldn’t keep it from her forever! Saying things like ‘ex con, too young and he has no job’ was the start of the digs regarding the father of my baby. She came round somewhat and just admitted she worries about me. Perfectly normal. Tonight she started again, her words are vile. ‘What you going to do if this don’t work out, have another one with the next man?’ I have a 7 year old daughter from a previous relationship, in where she fails to recognise I have brought her up with very little financial support from her father. My mother obviously sees me as someone who should appear on Jeremy Kyle just because I’m having a baby with another man. She needs to wake up, it’s 2016! Families come in all shapes, sizes and colours and just because she had a second baby in an already failing relationship just so her kids had the same dad doesn’t mean that is right for everyone. She then felt the need to tell me that none of her friends would think this is a good idea. Like I give a shit what her friends think, what a strange comment to make. I’m 30 years old and I’m not about to listen to the opinions of middle aged women who I’m sure do not either have perfect families in perfect situations! What ever is perfect? My boyfriend idolises me and me him. Yes he has some growing up to do but what man doesn’t?! I always wanted a second child and it was never going to be with the same man as before. Life is about love and making life and memories. My baby will be loved so much and that’s what matters.

Tuesday morning I had a bleed. It was minimal but it came as a shock as I never experienced this with my first pregnancy. I have an early scan tomorrow, I feel so nervous and anxious. I hope he’s ok in there! Nausea has gone but the hunger is here completely, oh and the tiredness! When symptoms relax this worries me too. First day of lent and I’m giving up wheat and sugar, day 1 has been successful there but I’ve gone over my calorie allowance. Well I’m about too with these oatcakes and dairylea!! I’m tooooo hungry to ignore it!!

So following on from day 2 I woke on day 3 feeling slightly better. I got up and felt determined that I would have a good day, get the juice down me and all would feel fine. However this wasn’t the case, I got the juice all ready and again the smell and the thought made my stomach turn! Something in the back of my mind was screaming at me that this wasn’t right! My friend also following the plan had messaged saying she had quite enjoyed her juice, I was envious of this fact! Ok so.. Hunger, small weight gain, bigger boobs…. Hmmm ., but no cant be I only risked not taking the pill for like 3 days! Surely not!! I sent the other half to grab a test thinking it would just come back negative and I could move on from the idea I was experiencing morning sickness and it was just the pineapple skin that had made me sick after all! 

Oh For Fuck SAKE!! Two big pink lines appeared in front of me almost immediately. I was so sure it was just a precautionary method and I would be sighing with relief, I was wrong. Ok I had to calm down, my other half was sat on the bath unsure what to say to me whilst I cried and repeated ‘I’m fucking pregnant’ and ‘we are just not ready.’ I could see his eyes, he really wants children. It’s ok for him, he keeps his body, he can continue as normal drinking and eating what he likes! ‘I still want to party’ I muttered selfishly , ‘my career isn’t established yet, this just isn’t right.’ My goodness!! Scared!! I knew deep down that a termination would never be an option, our relationship wouldnt survive that and to be honest I wouldn’t want to go through that awful procedure again anyway. Babies are a blessing especially when two people are in love as much as we are ! 

So we’re having a baby !!! 

Hardly anyone knows yet (including my parents) it’s going to be tough explaining this because the situation isn’t exactly ideal but when ever is ideal?! Yesterday morning I woke at 5am again so much going through my mind. I did manage a spin class and 5k on the treadmill tho, mysteriously lots of energy for the morning until I crashed at 2pm. 

Anyway I am now swaying towards what a great idea it is. Now is almost a more perfect time than if I had waited. I’m at university studying for a graduate diploma in law which will finish in May. Baby be due in September, my training contract (which I still need to apply for) won’t start till 2018 that then lasts 2 years and can hardly get pregnant as soon as I qualify in 2020. Based on these calculations were looking at 35 years old plus, not what I would want! Higher risks, harder to get shape back after and can even struggle to conceive! Now is perfect. I’m under no illusion that it will be easy but I am beginning to get excited now, this is the last time I’m doing this so I best try and enjoy it!! Try!!