I woke up feeling really down, I know why and there is only one explanation. Him. I was adamant that this blog wasn’t going to be about my failing relationship but only the positive parts of my life. I came to the conclusion that I don’t need him anyway, if he steps up then great if he doesn’t then I’ll be ok. It’s his loss. It doesn’t mean that I still don’t feel let down when he does something to make me feel this way though. I get sucked in by him so easily, I guess that’s love…. or just plain stupidity.
When I’m feeling happy the pregnancy feels like it is going so quick, when I am low I just want her here so I can stop feeling so vulnerable and not like myself. Having a relationship isn’t the be all and end all but when you are pregnant and not feeling exactly very confident it is kind of important to have a man by your side. I guess that’s why I forgive so easy, that 30% of the time he has interest is enough to make me feel happy for a while and it helps. But is it worth the disappointment? I don’t get myself in such a state anymore, that I realised just isn’t worth it but it doesn’t mean I don’t get that gut anxious feeling. Just how can he do this? He’s a very very selfish human being there is no two ways about it, it’ll be him who’s crying when I finally leave and he can watch me happy.
Anyway I must not let this ruin my day. Life is too short and I have to stay strong for my two girls.