Ate too much !!

Why is it whenever I ‘try’ to lose weight I overeat!? If I focus too much on it I can’t think about anything but overeating ! It went ok in the day then by the evening I ate everything in sight!

I did well barely eating when I was under that stress, it came naturally and I felt good! It’s my party on Saturday and I need to stop! I thought by not speaking to him again it would give me that knot in my stomach but it has only made me want to eat through comfort! Well tomorrow is a new day and I’m amazed I didn’t call him.

It’s fucking insane and unless someone has been in my situation or completely understands how these relationships work then I don’t expect anyone to ‘get it.’ I’ve wrote a blog before about he’s my addiction and it’s true. I now know his number off by heart and as soon as I checked the middle digits of his number I instantly regretted it. Trying to forget a number then makes you think of nothing else but that number, then it’s a battle like a drug addict would have when they want to call for their hit! I would get my hit just by hearing how much he misses me, how much he wants to see me and his fake promises. How he would agree with every single thing I say but in reality what does it matter. He doesn’t mean it, not really, he’s saying it because that’s what he thinks will work. All I’m doing is feeding into his ego, by having no contact it is much better for my healing and it breaks his supply. He cannot cope without that!

I picked up my uni books this evening. I didn’t get much done but I did it! I spent too much time scrolling through shit on social media still and of course eating crap!!

Tomorrow I am in control and tomorrow shall be a good and productive day !!