I wish I didn’t feel so sorry for him ..

But that’s how he’s managed to get me for so long. That’s how he nearly got me on Monday, telling me he has no one to talk to, he’s such an emotional mess and misses me. I’ll never fall for his bullshit again in an emotional relationship way but I would allow him to have contact with his daughter. He said he thinks about us every day and plays over times in his head when he knows he wasn’t a good person to me. Even after the dumb letter from her, yes I was angry and it continued to show how manipulative he is but I felt sorry for him some more when we sat in the court room. All I need to remember is , I did EVERYTHING I could, I was ALWAYS there for him. I REPEATEDLY gave him chance after chance and he should have expected that one day it would blow up in his face. I threatened this injunction long enough before I actually got it. Something ironic about being told that he’ll break my jaw if I stop him seeing his daughter.

Police came last night I have to do everything social services have said. The contact was there so I reported it to the police. I told the full story and initially the officer said he can’t arrest him for it because he was placed in a situation at court and I engaged with him too. He was completely understanding though and accepted how difficult his presence is but fair enough I thought, but at least I had done my bit and had it recorded. It wasn’t long later and the officer called me back and said in fact his Sgt disagrees and he is in breach so he came back to take my statement. He is now wanted for breach of order. Why do I feel bad again!!?? He had a choice he knows the implications. He saw how many witnesses there were and just did not care. That is him all over pushing boundaries and when he’s losing control he doesn’t care at all what he does.

I need to get that letter out my mind. She’s so stupid I can’t even deal. 38 years old and cannot see that I just simply wouldn’t ‘make all this up’ , that even infidelity is abuse and he’s done it to YOU, he’s denying you to me and me to you! Wake up sweetheart before he really gets in your head because believe me it’s a dark and dangerous place. It’s EXACTLY the same pattern and that is what is so obvious about these scenarios. She’s trying to Mother him, help him exactly what I tried to do 4 years ago. One thing I do remember saying and actually meaning was if he had child or an ex on the scene I would NEVER EVER have got involved. I remember thinking how sad it was how lost and unsupported he was, but it would have been a VERY different story if he had a child he wasn’t supporting. His cousin has 2 kids he wasn’t allowed to see and I didn’t blame the women I blamed him and knew to the bottom of my stomach that if that was him in that situation I would have ran a mile. The fact he had no money and no job for himself was one thing but if he wasn’t working for a child that’s something else, and also the jealousy element on my part. I wouldn’t have got so involved. I only got so entwined because I had ALL his love. That’s how I got so hooked! I feel sorry for this woman 13 years his senior, (yet he called me old) I know I’ve got angry but she is only another pawn in his game and she will lose. Hopefully she sees the light before it gets bad but that isn’t my problem either. There would have been MANY times she didn’t hear from him during their ‘relationship’. That to happen so early on and she just accepts it, she’s got NO CHANCE.

I just need to hold my head high, not let him in to my mind and NEVER EVER allow him or anyone else to down play my situation. It’s been hell!