This is just a rant ..

At times I can take a step back and analyse the situation. There is no doubt in my mind that my abuser is a extreme narcissist. It is so deep rooted that I don't even have to feel concerns that to everyone else he is respectful and honest because he isn't. He has no consideration... Continue Reading →

Empower me..

Only a quick one tonight, I had many thoughts going through my head today so I wanted to record them somewhere. Mostly some pointers for future blogs as right now I don't really have the time to go into them in depth. I wanted to talk about the 'other' side of my abuser. My previous... Continue Reading →

Reminding myself …

Today is a weird fucking day.. felt anxious and weird for most of it! It didn't help that I fell asleep early last night and woke up unable to sleep until like 2am! 5:45am my alarm was set and just got back in at 9:45pm!! Day in London on a course for work, traffic was... Continue Reading →

Party Day !!

Tonight is my birthday party that I’m having with my sister. I can’t wait to dress up and drink and have some fun!! It’s now day 4 with no contact at all (again) and when things are drama free, calm and tranquil it’s bloody confusing for me! It feels alien and it’s these early stages... Continue Reading →

So strange ..

The meme is right , it will take a long time to actually get to grips with the fact that this is what we’ll be. Strangers! Well almost! Until April 2018 the non-molestation order is in place and I can’t even speak to him. Will that even happen? I doubt it, I bumped into him... Continue Reading →

The time has come ..

I just got the phone call. He’s in custody, he’s been arrested and he’s about to go in for interview. I feel sick. Monday night my baby woke up at 11pm and by 2:30am I was so beside myself with tiredness and anger I called him to release that stress. It helped, he took everything... Continue Reading →

It’s not fair

That’s all I’m feeling like this morning. If I still had his number I would call him again and say all this to him! But what’s the point! I had to delete it again yesterday. He’ll listen, agree and say he’s going to change his life around but it’s bullshit. He’s still dealing drugs now... Continue Reading →

What a day!!!

Yesterday I had a down day. If I had his number still I would have rang him. Crazy how I still seek happiness from the very person who has destroyed me! I was super tired though and slept quite well. Today I’ve had back to back appointments and then bumped into him in the supermarket... Continue Reading →

Today I was weak..

But I need to not beat myself up. I had a conversation with him.. did I get out of it what I wanted? No not really. Did it make me feel any better? A little bit. I wish I could hate him, like really hate him but I just don’t. It’s normal to grieve a... Continue Reading →

Seeing things more clearly ..

I’ve had a good day and I’m even feeling ok about being alone tonight. I went into town earlier and I bought a few items. Crazy how just shopping can bring back nasty vile memories of the man I was insanely in love with. Bin bags! Yes bin bags ... I remember buying a cheaper... Continue Reading →

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