Working on me

Obviously the meme is a joke but I do really need to get myself back in the gym! Realistically it will probably be new year now but I am going to focus on making small changes until then.

When I go through all that stress I barely eat then when I feel relatively content again I eat! Not eating I feel slim then I bloat and yes typical the night before a night out I feel FAT!

I have recently be receiving an insane amount of compliments regarding my physical appearance. ‘Gorgeous’ ‘stunning’ ‘amazing.’ It does feel very nice and it feels even better coming from people who are not fake, not a fraud and do not want anything from me. I should use this as more reason to focus on getting myself in the best possible shape. Be the best version of me that is possible.

Exercise! What’s that? I used to be such a keen gym goer and I was in great shape. I need that back!

My baby has suffered again with a perforated ear drum. Her nursery called me at 1:30pm today and I had no choice but to leave work. It’s hard for a working mother to juggle everything but luckily my work are very understanding. Poor little soul, apparently she was screaming like mad. When I picked her up she was in great spirits but that’s what happens. Once its burst then they feel better. She is so beautiful, I am so blessed to have her.

Today my ex was meant to produce a statement to my solicitors in response to mine. The fact they haven’t called me does not necessarily mean he hasn’t done it. Legal aid is great but it isn’t the best at the same time. I’m having issues with proving I qualify for legal aid due to my mortgage and the more I think about the more I think they were completely in the wrong for even showing me that letter from the interfering loser. It was very insensitive and considering my state of mind after 22 months of abuse it wasn’t exactly helpful. That being said, it was helpful as without knowing that I would have eventually allowed contact between my daughter and the monster. In a contact centre though of course.

My eldest daughter is having 1-2-1 work with an agency who help children that have witnessed domestic violence. Both to her and our social worker she has said that she is happy she is not seeing my ex anymore. She expressed her concerns that she is worried he will hurt her mummy again and she is finally opening up about things she has witnessed. So proud of her, yet I am ashamed I allowed it to happen for so long. If my ex’s ‘fans’ choose to believe I’m a liar and ‘making it up’ then believe a 9 year old. Why would she lie?

I have chips in the oven and then I really must eat better!