Feeling so confused

I guess all these emotions are so normal. I also think it’s pretty normal to be getting all the flashbacks again after everything that happened Monday. There were a lot of triggers mentioned in the statement and it brings them all up again.

I have bad period pains, and pretty much wasted another night not being productive. I did have a drink with a couple of my sisters and dad and stuff which was nice but I must start being productive.

So today I invested in the products to begin a bullet journal. I cannot wait for it to all arrive I will do a blog on it when it does. Exciting.

I was meant to be having company this evening but he got held up at work, he wasn’t meant to be working but covered his mate and although it’s probably a really valid and TRUE reason I just can’t help but think it’s not. I wonder if I’ve done something wrong, I don’t think I have. I play back the conversations, maybe I just seem like too much effort!? I don’t know. I do have a lot going on at the minute it can’t be very appealing. I don’t think he’s playing games, he hasn’t text back since, maybe he’s gone to see someone else instead. My head needs to shut up. One minute I’m imagining him hitting me and the next he’s cheating on me .. and I haven’t even slept with him yet! I know I sound crazy, so crazy. I want to trust again and I will.

At least he let me know, not like the guy I spent almost a year getting to know and then just stood me up. Not even an explanation and I prompted one from him too. It didn’t make sense. This doesn’t.

I’m probably reading way too much into it. It’s normal to feel disappointed though right. I was looking forward to seeing him, I thought he was too. It can’t be too soon I’ve been emotionally done with my ex since June. He let me down every day and didn’t even give a valid legit reason.

Maybe I’m expecting too much? Maybe my reaction was the issue. God sake, brain shut up, I need a hot water bottle my tummy hurts bad 😢

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