This is just a rant ..

At times I can take a step back and analyse the situation. There is no doubt in my mind that my abuser is a extreme narcissist. It is so deep rooted that I don't even have to feel concerns that to everyone else he is respectful and honest because he isn't. He has no consideration... Continue Reading →

Empower me..

Only a quick one tonight, I had many thoughts going through my head today so I wanted to record them somewhere. Mostly some pointers for future blogs as right now I don't really have the time to go into them in depth. I wanted to talk about the 'other' side of my abuser. My previous... Continue Reading →

Reminding myself …

Today is a weird fucking day.. felt anxious and weird for most of it! It didn't help that I fell asleep early last night and woke up unable to sleep until like 2am! 5:45am my alarm was set and just got back in at 9:45pm!! Day in London on a course for work, traffic was... Continue Reading →

Party Day !!

Tonight is my birthday party that I’m having with my sister. I can’t wait to dress up and drink and have some fun!! It’s now day 4 with no contact at all (again) and when things are drama free, calm and tranquil it’s bloody confusing for me! It feels alien and it’s these early stages... Continue Reading →

Ate too much !!

Why is it whenever I ‘try’ to lose weight I overeat!? If I focus too much on it I can’t think about anything but overeating ! It went ok in the day then by the evening I ate everything in sight! I did well barely eating when I was under that stress, it came naturally... Continue Reading →

The future is awesome

I’m ready! I’m feeling great. He’s desperate for me.. like I already know but for once I actually don’t care nor do I see a future with him. I wish I could rewind to the days when he made me feel so weak and worthless because that was all pointless and really I should have... Continue Reading →

What a day!!!

Yesterday I had a down day. If I had his number still I would have rang him. Crazy how I still seek happiness from the very person who has destroyed me! I was super tired though and slept quite well. Today I’ve had back to back appointments and then bumped into him in the supermarket... Continue Reading →

I’ll do what it takes!

Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow I have a court date to apply to a judge for a non-molestation order against my ex abuser. I’m finally doing something I have threatened to do for so long. I tried to be amicable with him but the manipulation and control was still rife. Trying to end a relationship... Continue Reading →

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