It’s a genuine question. I only work part time and I am already  feeling deflated and fed up by this since I finished university less than a month ago. If I wasn’t pregnant things would have been different now, I planned to use my qualification and forward my career pretty much as soon as I had graduated. I had the idea of applying to becoming a probation officer with intakes beginning in October and applications accepted from April, but life has a funny way of taking you off track. That doesn’t mean of course that it wasn’t meant to work out this way and I am a strong believer that everything does happen for a reason. My plans now are to study a masters in September, I have the opportunity to do this since I have the time and the funding is now available through student fiance so now is as good a time as any. Quite perfect timing if I say so myself. I knew I wanted another baby and I was really broody at times when the man was in prison (that’s for another day) so at least I can do the baby thing and then do the career thing. Perfect.
Now don’t get me wrong I do love people, the industry I work in I meet so many great people. All like-minded, all creative, interesting, funny, mostly smart and genuinely just fun to be around but I do get very bored doing it too. It doesn’t stimulate my brain the way I need it too and I guess that’s why its worked so well alongside studies. What do I do? Well without going into too much detail, since June 2013 I have worked in the promotions industry. I had a successful time within the leisure industry as a membership sales consultant starting from 2010. I won a trip to Las Vegas plus many other incentives and bonus’s, not to mention met my best friend and many other good friends within this company. Made a big mistake when I was headhunted into a recruitment company, basic was higher, earning potential was greater, mon – fri, just like I thought I wanted. BUT culture shock or what? Spent my weekends dredding monday. Spent the days just dredding each hour. Hated every single minute. The company left me feeling depressed. Thought it was me? I left on mutual terms, kinda, and looking back they belittled me made me feel worthless and unhappy and a complete failure. My boss, was like a jumped up devil spawned female, granted she was turning over thousands each year, but I was smarter than that. Smarter than just looking at her figures but more at how she got there. She got lucky! All there was too it, and I was meant to look up to her? No chance. She couldn’t sell ice to the eskimos, or whatever that saying is. I would try and learn from her, her crap ‘sales’ calls that ended her getting flustered and just angry if something didn’t go her way. No one liked her. The office had a HORRIBLE presence constantly and I dare not breathe out of line in case we woke the beast. Felt like I was at school. I wasn’t depressed, I just was not happy in that environment. I was not me. Always crying. I had never hated Sundays more than I did during the time at this place. It’s mad how a company can completely change you as a person, change your outlook on life and completely eat into you so much that you don’t even know who you are anymore. Anyway that ended, and it wasn’t long until I joined a new company. Much more me it was full of young people. The culture was similar to what I was used to and I enjoyed going to work. Everything was going in the right direction. Then randomly one friday BAM, I was made redundant. It still to this day, makes no sense at all but then it isn’t something that I am that bothered about. I was just angry with them, they should never have hired me in the first place if they had an inkling the business wasn’t growing the way they wanted it too OR if that wasn’t the case then at least be honest with me. Again I found myself career less with no real idea what I wanted to do. Recruitment wasn’t for me though, I knew for sure I did not want to go back into that. My CV went live again and you only have to look around and see exactly how many recruitment jobs there are to know that it’s hardly a sought after position. Certainly shows a high level of turnover and that isn’t something I want. How can a person be so disposable?! It was then I decided I would go back to Uni, I still wasn’t sure what I wanted to do but it would come to me. It took a year but the decision was made and now I’m here. I’ll talk of how I came to my decision another day it’s far too long for now and I don’t want to go on too much tonight. Tiring stuff this blogging.
Anyway focus, I’ll be giving up work soon. I do still have an independent project to write and I also have a learning skills course to complete for a volunteer role I have been accepted on to, so at least this does give me something to do other than a couple of days promoting random shit each week.
4D scan tomorrow and I am so excited. I cannot wait to see how my baby looks. I’ll make sure I post a picture, hopefully she doesn’t hide and play games. EEEEK exciting!
Behind These Bluest Eyes 