The boobs are in … 

And omg they hurt today!! I’ve managed to hand express for relief of some pressure but I’ve been breastfeeding with tears, gasps and a lot of ouchies this evening. 

I wrote a post previously on breastfeeding and how I hoped to do it. Not going to lie after that labour, my thoughts on that operating table were ‘I cannot be bothered.’ That sounds awful but I meant in the sense that I was physically emotionally and mentally drained. My previous experience of breastfeeding sparked the fears that that pressure and heartache would only continue, luckily I was wrong and the little dream took to me like straight away. She continued to amaze me all day with her minimal cries and long lengths of continuous sleep. Wow! Is this really a newborn?! My first was so colicky, sicky, unsettled and demanding this one left me thinking I needed to watch her sleep!!

I spent the weekend in hospital .. Saturday morning the thought of going home made me cry. Dominic spent the day with me until other visitors were allowed . He showered me and helped me with Ariana, I felt I could sleep better that way. I mean I know I said she was amazing but Friday night she made up for all those hours with a lot of feeding. I was up till about 4:30am feeding and cuddling.

Saturday night was worse. I was definitely more tired and she didn’t settle till about 5:30! I do usually (I say usually but she is only 3 days old) then get a 4/5 hour sleep from her. Dom went out Saturday night, it doesn’t bother me .. but I was texting him saying how he needed to come same time next day as I was so exhausted. He promised! That didn’t happen! He kept falling asleep or missing my calls.. 1pm he showed. Not good enough 😡 … he tells me he didn’t even stay out late, and I fully understand he hasn’t had much sleep either over last few days but I needed him. He needs to prioritise. 

Even by Sunday afternoon I was still in a bad way. I wanted to go home to have more help during the night but I was scared of how little I couldn’t get around. By 7:30pm I was on my way home .. not without tears tho. Still unable to cough or laugh without feeling a deep pain in my stomach and I was having a lot of after labour pains too. 

When I woke this morning I knew I had done the right thing. Dominic was like a dream come true , we shared the load during the night (obviously minus the feeding) and I got some proper sleep and felt more comfortable all round. 

Tonight Dominic has been a different story but my blog isn’t about his up and downs of extreme behaviour it’s about me and my baby. All we need to say here is one night won’t make him a father. I did tell him not to come back tonight but that doesn’t make it ok for him to not answer his phone!! I still find it difficult to get out of bed ffs! 

I’m going to attempt a walk tomorrow. My stomach has gone down slightly .. on Friday I felt fatter than I did at full term pregnancy ! So this is progress! 

Her last feed went ok apart from initial latch .. I’m dredding the next feed. I do hope she gives me few hours 😩, literally falling asleep as I type 🙈

I leave with a picture of my world .. and really they are only who matter ..