Back to reality!

Omg it hurt. It was dark when I woke, and I felt so tired all day. I have won at no caffeine ✅ but my steps are low – less than 5,000 ! Bad! I need to get back to loving the gym. It’s hard when it’s so dark, and so so cold.

I have not eaten any complex carbs either, for the second day but I need to be stricter. I stepped on the scales. 9 bloody pounds! Gross! I have to get focused and look like 2015 me! Although my dude from Saturday night told me he thinks I look better now, more meat apparently. But oh well, I don’t like it. Saying that, and being shocked at 9lbs, I don’t feel that huge and my pics from New Year’s Eve I’ve been told I looked hot soooo it could be worse.

I want my fitness back. Summer 2018 I will feel amazing! 👌🏼

I wanted to talk today about the stigma that is attached to single mums and also when women are judged for using their ‘child as a weapon.’ Someone shared an article today, this individual is a man who is very pro ‘men should see their children,’ his experience has prompted his business to help others. Which is great but sometimes there is a good reason children do not see their fathers and it certainly isn’t because the mother is being an asshole. I saw that exact comment

‘I hate my ex but I’m not an asshole, children are people not possessions to withhold and play with.’ I did write a comment but deleted it, it isn’t worth the confrontation.

I have had a disagreement with this man before over the same thing so he knows my views. I also read how difficult the courts are on men, funny how another group I’m in is highlighting how bad the courts are in supporting men who have been a perpetrator of domestic violence. If only life was so black and white.

I will hold my hands up I encourage my ex to seek legal advice for contact (on recommendations of social services), I would love nothing more than to him to just leave us alone. I have considered a contact centre but with provisions which he can’t stick too.

A father is important yes but an article stating that single parent families children are more likely to end up in prison, pregnant early, low IQ and some other crap is a load of shit. Well with my daughters father in her life she’ll be more damaged than without. He abuses me in front of her, makes promises to her he already can’t keep, carries drugs and weapons, he’s unstable and not well, so tell me what benefit would he be for my beautiful daughter. Also let’s not forget, the chances he’s had to be in her life but chose to cheat, not come home when he said he would and deal drugs. His 2 week paternity leave was a joke! He was barely here and I was recovering from a c-section! What a complete fucking arsehole, I hate him!

It was hard leaving my baby today. She got so used to being with mummy at home she cried hard and put her arms out to come with me. It brought a tear to my eyes. Being a working mum has its challenges. I love and look forward to picking her up each day, and I used to just never understand how her dad could go as long as he did without seeing her even though he COULD! He chose to do those things I mentioned rather than be a family.

He won’t be kicking himself though because narcissists never reflect. They are incapable of looking back over what they have done wrong. They live for the now, and blame everyone else and that’s difficult for someone like me to accept.

All I want is a real sorry, a genuine sorry and him to admit what HE’S done!

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