On reflection

Today was my last working day of the year. I am so thankful for the amazing business I am part of. The director is open and honest in the fact she believes she has a great team and 2018 will be an amazing year for all of us. I am lucky that they know what I have been through and are fully supportive. We even spoke of donating to a charity for next year and it well could be the charity/not for profit that I have in the pipeline.

I am looking forward to seeing the back of this year. I’m still so affected by his toxic behaviours. I still wish to talk to him, to shout and scream and him and his family! Normalising his disgusting behaviour! His sister has no chance in finding a decent man! No surprises that he didn’t follow up his requests to pass on xmas presents or a visit. All that anxiety and stress for no reason. Sounds exactly like him!

Talking to M too much. It’s dangerous. There’s love there and he’s admitted that too. It’s NEVER going to go anywhere and well definitely not until 2020! Tonight he’s in a mood, it’s over something really silly and my initial thought was ‘ok it’s my fault.’ Then my boundaries come into play and I realise that no he’s in a strop, he started it and that the way he ended the call isn’t acceptable. Now don’t get me wrong it is NO WHERE near ANYTHING like my ex abuser was but I still have no time for dolls being thrown out of prams. So when he next calls me I won’t answer, well I’ll try not too. He can’t tell me I’m acting like a bit of bacon and not expect to be called a pig repeatedly. Ok we’re children, yes actual children lol. Fuck sakes!

I have big plans for 2018! 100% health and fitness is going to get smashed! My sales targets are going to be doubled! My book is going to be completed and I am going to keep empowering myself and hopefully other women along the way!

Bring it on mutha fuckers!!!

Ok he called me .. and I answered! His strop lasted all of an hour! My boundaries are a work in process!

Damn!

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