…. I signed up to the half marathon in September! This time no one can get in the way of my training. It did actually pop into my head earlier about how unreliable he was.
“Baby I got you, were a team, you are my world. 100% I will be there in the morning so you can go gym. I promise you. On my life. Fully supporting you. Have faith in me man’ , morning came no sign of him. ‘yeh so what, I overslept, I can’t help it when I do the job I do my body just shuts down. I didn’t ask it too. It’s hard work you know.’ Suddenly his promise from the night before does not hold for anything, he turns aggressive and angry that anyone would dare question why he has gone back on his promise. This damages his ego, he is no longer the person he was making out to be the night before! This is a form of abuse, it’s power play, he gets someone fully reliant on him and then has no regard for that person. This complete lack of respect and control made me feel so damaged. He is an asshole. He is an abuser.
Good! Right! Needed to remind myself of them after I had just seen pics of our baby with him on our holiday. Although he was an asshole there too. I’m so tired though so will talk about that tomorrow.
So yes! Half a marathon!! It’s on. I did day 2 of the training programme app and actually hit 16,000 steps on my fit bit for the first time in months!!
I aim for a big walk tomorrow.
Watch this space
Xx
Ok SO I got on the scales. The scales at the gym too which I am so sure are very generous and well… It wasn’t nice. Over a stone heavier than what I was when I was training last summer. People do comment about how I don’t look any different but that’s because the weight is distibuted everywhere. Even my blinking face!!
Today has been awful and I can only hope that tomorrow is better. Obviously I wrote mid afternoon yesterday after I had realised what a dumbarse I had been with making my juices but I still felt ok. Evening struck and I realised I could no way stomach the purple thing (Ruby Tuesday) knowing the pineapple skin was in it. Instead I had some fruit. Then the 7pm juice I managed half. Dominic the forever supporting boyfriend drank what I couldn’t, even knowing about the pineapple skin, bless him. My sickness began after the half of juice and at around 11pm I was sick. Gross! Although hardly anything came up of course. I knew I needed something a little substantial before bed for any chance of juicing today, so I finished the evening on a strip of mackerel. Strange I know but curbed the sickness.
Despite getting myself to the gym every morning and completing a small run I still was not getting anywhere fast. I know tiny steps are best but when I gained this weight in such a short space of time, I want it gone in equally a short space of time. I found myself still constantly hungry and making bad food choices and just not able to put the God damn food down!!
Behind These Bluest Eyes 