Someone said to me this week 'I know it's easy to forget and you remember the good times', it came from a good place but they honestly could not be more wrong. When you are free from the hell and your life is pretty silent, you still never ever forget. I told the ex who... Continue Reading →
When Love Island triggers …
.. I love reality TV. My escapism, my date night. Being single can get kinda lonely and investing your time in complete strangers actually strangely has a positive effect to my life. When I saw Anna and Jordan grow close and saw them falling for one another I felt happy, felt like there was hope.... Continue Reading →
Days like these ..
When you want to cry but there are no tears, your heart feels heavy, your mind feels stuffy. This is my current state. I feel like I want to shout so hard, but I have no words. I am numb. My past feels like just a nightmare that I didn't really live. I sometimes feel... Continue Reading →
January .. goal setting and new starts
Well over half way through January and I haven't done what I said. Blog more!! I feel a bit flat. Work is amazing. Work is busy and I absolutely love it. It gives me purpose. My children give me purpose and love. Sometimes I lack the other love though and that's natural. I do spend... Continue Reading →
Merry Christmas
2019 is not far away. Recently I've been ok, but only ok. The ex is still in prison and I have visited him. I feel it's the best thing to do for our daughter and a small part of me still feels like it is my place to make sure he doesn't feel alone and... Continue Reading →
Here we go again…
Again a few weeks have passed and my life has not stopped. His last disappearance actually had an explanation and something happened that possibly should of meant we could say goodbye but in fact it only bought us closer together. He hasn't been particularly abusive since, or controlling and apart from the last blog post... Continue Reading →
I’m still here..
.. and I'm still battling. Months have passed since my last blog post and I felt like I had my control back. The ex was 'manageable' shall I say and other than just believing that my only hope of ever moving on properly was when his lifestyle finally caught up with him, I was doing... Continue Reading →
Lies and deceit
I have never felt so betrayed by a group of people in my life. So betrayed and angry that I actually fell for the bullshit. I worked out for myself along time ago social services could not be trusted but I thought I had support with some others. Especially since to my face they are... Continue Reading →
What is gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic which a person uses to gain more power over an individual. It is a form of emotional abuse which takes lying to a different level. A pathological liar is equally as dangerous but gaslighting is one of the most harmful forms of mental and emotional abuse. The aim is clear,... Continue Reading →
Is it any wonder social services are failing?!
I actually do not even know where to start! Social services have been in my family's life for way over a year. In that time they have offered nothing tangible to help my family and have completely failed as an organisation. I will try to be brief but include everything that I feel is important... Continue Reading →
Behind These Bluest Eyes 