Tag: domesticviolence

Posted in DomesticAbuse, single mum, singlemum, Singlemum

Seeing things more clearly ..

Posted on by KerryLouise

I’ve had a good day and I’m even feeling ok about being alone tonight. I went into town earlier and I bought a few items. Crazy how just shopping can bring back nasty vile memories of the man I was insanely in love with.

Bin bags! Yes bin bags … I remember buying a cheaper brand and they weren’t very good. Despite explaining that he should put less rubbish in them, every single time he realised it was a crap bin bag I was blamed for buying cheap shit. Huffing and puffing and aggressive in nature whilst he spills rubbish all over the floor. Even if he wasn’t directly blaming me he sure as hell did a good job in indirectly making me feel like I had done something wrong yet again! Same with washing up gloves, they were thrown in the bin for being disgusting and he often told me I couldn’t wash up. I didn’t ever do it right. Then when the washing up built up he would scream out that clearly he’s the only one who ever washes up around here. Anything he could find to abuse me he would.

I also bought baby a pumpkin outfit for Halloween. It’s just a bit of fun. Last year I bought her a witch outfit, phoning her dad to tell him was never my intention to end in a row. I was screamed at for never listening to him and that his daughter can’t celebrate Halloween. He told me to get off his fucking phone and somehow the conversation developed into a slamming match regarding me not putting him on her birth certificate. A new mum excited about a little outfit I had bought ended in tears pain and anger. Everything that reminds me of him is literally poison. Any happy memory will also correlate with a bad one. Why did I put up with it so much??

I had a conversation with a graphic designer today, I am really excited about my book. I actually spoke to her about my situation without any tears. This is so positive. I am healing!

Posted in Abuse, relationships, DomesticAbuse, Heartbreak, Lonely, Singlemum

Rollercoaster

Posted on by KerryLouise

It really is a rollercoaster of emotions. I still can’t get it out my head, I’m sure I’m not expected too either. I felt good this morning. I read a lot of my old blogs and reminded me of all the pain he put me through. I sure as hell know this is the only way to get my life back. Then I started to feel like I missed him this evening, that addiction was coming back. So much I want to say to him but it was always so pointless anyway. His mother really has fucked it with me too. How dare she do what she did!! Over some clothes ?? I planned to send pictures of baby through the post, keep in contact that way until I was strong enough to be involved with them again. No way now. No way!! I understand blood is thicker than water but she had no reason to get involved. My parents haven’t and he deserves it! Ironic since he always used to tell me how embarrassing I was that I spoke to people. Whose the embarrassment now?! I sleep knowing I haven’t done anything wrong, this will eat her up for the rest of her life knowing she raised a monster. She raised an animal who has no boundaries and no respect. I’m sure she’ll have plenty more grandchildren the way he puts it about! Disgusting! Shameful!

Even though I have read a lot about narcissists it still doesn’t make sense. I still fail to get my head around it. I did blame myself a lot, and I appreciate I hurt him but his behaviour is not a reflection on that. His chose shotting drugs over me, over me and his daughter! That’s what it all boils down too.

I’m fucking fabulous and he’s a fucking fool! He will hurt more than me, for the rest of his life. I go from love and sad to hate and disgust determined to make him pay. He’ll play the victim though of course he will, his next target, his next supply he’ll use the sob story of his bitter baby mum that stopped him from seeing his child. Failing to leave out the daily insults, the daily disrespect, the bruises, the lies and the fact I loved him with all my heart. I just got pushed far far too much, I needed out. I needed to breathe. How can he hold me so tight one minute, be so sure that he could die for me, adamant that the love is insane then the next minute make me feel like I’m nothing. Flip on me without even so much as a warning! What did I do to deserve it?

Posted in DomesticAbuse

I didn’t want it to end this way

Posted on by KerryLouise

Yesterday was awful, it was a day I wish to never experience again. There was so much that happened that it didn’t feel like my life, it felt like a film or an episode of a soap. So many emotions and still so much trauma. I say it didn’t feel like my life but this is a feeling I have felt repeatedly for the past 3 years. Right from my then much loved boyfriend being arrested in my bedroom to now where I want him to be arrested for everything he has put me through.

Due to the domestic violence incidents back in the early part of the year both my children were placed on a child protection plan. Now I can honestly say,  with other professionals in agreement that Social Services have failed. They have been useless, considering the severity of what this plan actually means it has had absolutely no benefit or positive impact on my life. I engaged with them, I was honest, I cried and begged for help and even wrote a letter of complaint. It was all pointless. Potentially if the incidents were few and far between I wouldn’t have been so honest, maybe if it wasn’t as unlivable as it was then I would have continued to keep it a secret. If I was financially dependent on him that would have made it even more impossible to act and stand up. The truth is I have been strong, I know that now. Even at times when I feel so weak I take a moment and feel worry for how many women (and men) are out there who are experiencing all this which is really making them unhappy. I am strong because I spoke up and I am making it stop….. finally!

The child protection conference was held yesterday morning and I made the decision that I did not want to attend. I wrote my statement and stuck to my word. I had a court hearing in the afternoon anyway which was much more important than some poxy conference with an inadequate social services team. I was informed that the meeting did not go ahead, Dominic showed with his mother and spent 45 minutes talking with the chair. The meeting was postponed due to ‘differences in stories’ … I was furious!! Fucking furious!! I know that him and his mother would have sat there and made out all this was my fault. Spineless bastards! His mother TOTALLY knows what he is like, she heard him herself just a few weeks ago when he found out I was going to Ibiza. She has even said to me in the past ‘how did you end up with a man like him?!’ It made me SICK to think of the lies and manipulation that would have happened in that room. I think his mother thinks men like him are normal, she needs to wake the fuck up. “Your son even abuses you!” Failing to turn up when he says he will! It isn’t normal behaviour and I feel sorry for his sister. She will end up with a man just like him because no one is teaching her the severity of his behaviour! The chair even made a comment that I would not get the injunction and was vocal about how no one can stop Dominic from seeing his daughter!! All I could think of was… “How have I spent months being told by health professionals that I have been a victim of domestic abuse and defending him, to now defending myself and having to prove that this has been the case!! I turned my tears into determination. I will make sure he pays for everything he has done to me.

His mother is a disgrace to women! Standing by a man who she KNOWS has treated me so bad. She’s heard his words, seen my bruises, heard the stories and even been dumbfounded how someone like me can end up with someone like him. She turned up at my work, calling me a liar, adamant she wanted her possessions! How shameful is that more interested in a few designer jeans than her own granddaughter. She is upset with my blog it seems. Well I won’t stop telling my story and I will not be bullied into anything ANYMORE!! Maybe she should look close to home and realise if she raised him correct he wouldn’t be dealing drugs, carrying knives and abusing women!

I went to court and the judge was satisfied with my statement that a full no contact order should be granted. My worries of it not being granted were diminished. I felt relieved.

Him and his mum showed their true colours on the phone to my daughters nursery. Twisting things, trying to manipulate her, doing exactly what he does to me everyday of my life. The nursery now have their own opinion and it isn’t as simple as them ‘believing a woman over a man.’ Like they were accusing. They will fuck themselves on their own and I know that now!

Before his mum showing up I was feeling sad about it coming to this. I know I had taken more than enough but I still wished I could have done more to stop it getting so final. So nasty. So bitter! But he deserves it boy he deserves it!! Today just highlighted that this really is the only way!!

Posted in DomesticAbuse

Sleepless nights are the worst …

Posted on by KerryLouise

When will this end? All I can think about tonight is the situation .. I was so tired earlier and as soon as I try and sleep it’s bam!! Him!! What is wrong with me?

I wonder what he’s thinking, I wonder what’s going to happen next, I imagine how I’d react if he has another baby. I get annoyed that he may potentially never realise the damage he has caused. If I get the injunction it’s only a year and then what ?! It could only be 6 months. I’m not sure that is long enough, would I fall straight back into his trap should this happen.

I wish he would move away. I wish the police would do their fucking job and catch him for drug dealing. If he was locked up then I could heal better. I wouldn’t have to worry about where he is, what he’s doing and whether I will bump into him whilst I’m out. Just being in Asda earlier I felt sketchy and on edge. I cannot explain enough how just seeing him will put me back! He’d put on the charm, he’d beg and he would plead. Or would he? Maybe this time he’s actually feeling genuine hate for me?! Why does that even bother me!

Now I am standing on the outside I realise more and more really how abusive he is. It frustrates me that I ever gave him ammunition to throw back at me. How different would it have been if I hadn’t of? He would have still carried on drug dealing, that’s in his blood, although he says he wouldn’t have. He still would have cheated, again he denies but he cheated before he even went to jail so that’s still inevitable. He still shows true traits of someone who suffers with narcissistic personality disorder and I’m realising this more and more each day. Memes across Instagram highlight the things I could not deal with on a daily basis. I found my self explaining basic elements of human respect to a full grown adult. He never saw a problem with not being contactable or going AWOL telling me that he is a grown up man and can do what he likes. He used my emotions against me, emotions he intentionally provoked yet cussed and teased at how over sensitive I was. If he promised a meal out and then last minute he said no, instead of consoling my hurt he would explain that my attitude is exactly why he doesn’t want to be around me. Then he would never listen to me, I don’t remember the last time we had a proper conversation. Most probably when he was in prison. Narcissists are so self centred that even though they claim to be interested they don’t listen to anything you have to tell them. If a question was asked he’d ask me to repeat what I said and he never had a real interest in my life. Not really! He’d easily go long lengths of time not asking how I am, and if I didn’t text first he was quick to say how he hadn’t heard from me all day. If I didn’t reply to him then again I would be questioned but it was always ok for him. He was aggressive in nature when he wanted to be, if something wasn’t going his way he would sit me down and talk at me like I was a child. Every single thing that came out of his mouth was fabricated and not sincere. He’s spoke for months about how he’s getting his driving licence sorted, he would try and make me feel like ‘I was going to miss out on change’ explaining that he had work lined up.

I couldn’t rely on him. I was a full single mum dealing with the stresses of a relationship. He would say he wants to bath baby and put her to bed but turn up at 11pm. I would ask him to watch her whilst I went out and he said that he didn’t know. Times he did say yes he would use it as an element of control, if I breathed too deeply then it was his green card to say ‘find someone else.’ Every single bit about the relationship was truly awful.

He’d blame me for the fact we did nothing together, yet that was all his doing. I would hear him deal drugs whilst I was on the phone to him and he’d just hang up without a second thought. He’d tell me to ring back in 5 minutes and not answer in 40. His timing was ALWAYS horrific! Even right at the start. You don’t tell someone you’ll be 5 minutes and be 5 hours, you just don’t.

What am I worrying about? What do I fear! I know I do not want him, I know I will meet someone else who will show me exactly how a relationship should be. I KNOW for certain he won’t be no saint for any woman and it’s them that can deal with the shit and not me! He’s already disrespected this one by sleeping with me, and texts on his phone showed he asked another girl out for a drink. He would have disappeared for days at a time from her too especially when he had no phone so more fool her for not getting out sooner. He’ll get bored of her soon, he’ll bide his time for a bit whilst he’s trying to move in and then he’ll not give her a second thought. Narcissists don’t!

You really cannot trust ANYONE who can kiss you whilst you’re sleeping and whisper ‘I love you so much’ whilst knowing what I was accusing him of was true. Look me in my eyes and hold me so I can’t go, feeding me lie after lie after lie. Believing his own lies.

There’s clearly nothing wrong with me, it’s him!

Posted in DomesticAbuse

I’ll do what it takes!

Posted on by KerryLouise

Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow I have a court date to apply to a judge for a non-molestation order against my ex abuser. I’m finally doing something I have threatened to do for so long.

I tried to be amicable with him but the manipulation and control was still rife. Trying to end a relationship with a narcissist and remain in contact is not possible, I know this now. Any relationship that ends is difficult and often painful but ending one with a narcissist is something else. When normal relationships come to an end there are often many moments you can look back on and smile. Saviour the memories, feel sad it may be over but recovery is an easier process. When a relationship ends with a narcissist there are few happy memories, the majority tainted by bad and ugly visions repeating inside your head.

This isn’t getting over a relationship it’s getting over trauma.

Narcissists will not easily give up their narcissistic supply, they feed off the attention you give them and the admiration, they gloat that despite how badly they have treated you they can still convince you that everything will be ok. A single conversation is enough for a narcissist to get back under your skin. They make it impossible to not feel trapped, they still control, they still abuse and they still think they have rights over you! Abusive to the core in a desperate attempt to make out that in fact it was all brought on myself, I should have expected it. I deserved it! That he would have given me his whole world should I had been better to him. Even just last week he carried on trying to soothe me and sweeten me ‘I’ve fucked up, there’s something wrong with me. I need you!’ He explains. ‘Let me take you out for a drink’ he calmly said, a drink? He’s fucking crazy!

There will be no drinks, there will be no phone calls and there will be no contact! Tomorrow is a good day!

Posted in DomesticAbuse

No contact is the only way..

Posted on by KerryLouise

It is exactly a year later after the first attempt at ending the relationship. I know outsiders just never never understood why I kept going back. Why should they? He does the unthinkable. He is violent, he cheats, he doesn’t make me happy but yet I continued to allow him into my life.

In the immediate aftermath it is critical to go no contact, Ive attempted this before but it has never lasted. Facing up to and admitting all the painful, humiliating and difficult things during the relationship I have always found worse when trying to go it alone. Like a drug I explain this part as the come down, desperate for my fix, desperate for my next hit and despite the fact he is the same drug that has made me feel so bad for so long I crave that drug to bring me back up, not even caring that I KNOW I’ll have the same come down in the not so distant future. Narcissists will not easily give up their narcissistic supply, they feed off the attention you give them, the admiration, they gloat that despite how badly they have treated you you will still go back. Even a single conversation is enough for a narcissist to get back under your skin. After every major blow (and there has been a lot) the phone calls were always the same. Abusive to the core in a desperate attempt to make out that in fact it was all brought on my self, I should have expected it. I deserved it! Then when that fails he’ll try everything to make you agree to see him. He used money a lot, told me he had some money for me. Either money he owed me or money for a contribution for his baby, just last week he attempted the same. Let me take you out for a drink he calmly said, a drink? He’s fucking crazy!

This is the fourth time in a year I have changed my number. Changing my number is only as good as I allow it to be. I have to make sure I don’t ring him too, even texts from me would fuel his narcissism and I am now 4 days post any kind of contact. I know how it would go if I was to speak to him, ‘this is fucking killing me,’ ‘I fucked up,’ ‘no one will ever be as good as you.’ He’s in the past managed to FaceTime me, uses that he wants to see baby but will direct the conversation at me. ‘I’ve fucking missed you’ ‘look at you, you’re absolutely beautiful’ ‘there’s something wrong with me’ and ‘I’m not letting you go again.’ The interesting use of words are assumptive that he still has me, even allowing a conversation makes him sure that I’m not going anywhere. Then when I’ve seen him, the kind caring empath in me cradles him like a baby when he seems scared lost and alone. ‘I thought I fucking lost you.’ He whispers with tears in his eyes. Before I know it he’s back under my skin.

Trying to end a relationship with a narcissist and remain in contact is not possible. Any relationship that ends is difficult and often painful but ending one with a narcissist is something else. When normal relationships come to an end there are often many moments you can look back on and smile. Saviour the memories, feel sad it may be over but recovery is an easier process. When a relationship ends with a narcissist there are few happy memories, the majority tainted by bad and ugly visions going on in your head. The only memory I have where I see myself smiling, laughing, feeling excited, genuinely happy and content are in a prison visiting room. Even that obviously has a negative connection, every other memory is dark, twisted and damaging!

This isn’t getting over a relationship it’s getting over a warfare.

Keeping in contact is only continuing that cycle of abuse. He’ll continue to control you, continue to put you down, continue with false promises and fantasies. Lord forbid when you remind him that you’re not actually together you’ll be a slag, a dirty girl desperate for attention. He convinced himself that I was never loyal anyway, he doesn’t want a woman like me, and over his dead body will he allow me to be in town every weekend. He made it clear if I moved on he’d ‘smack me up’, if his daughter ever saw another man around my house he’d do even worse. Then in his next breath he’d say that he needs to come see me, when I decline that offer the abuse begins again and instead of terminating the call I fuel it and I end up begging him to come and that I’m the one who is sorry.

In person the abuse was worse, he’d speak to me like a child. Educate me on how to be a mother, then when I explain that I do a pretty good job without him around I have a long lecture how I can never be told, never accept I am wrong and he should be able to talk to the mother of his child about anything!! He’ll go on and on and on until I’m in tears through frustration, I’m then called weak and pathetic and laughed at because I always play the victim. ‘No one feels sorry for you Kerry,’ he gloats. Then in the next breath he’s hugging me and touching me, using all his charm to caress me and seduce me. Saying no doesn’t go down well with a narcissist, I’ve attempted it many times. More abuse, often violence where I’ll try and push him off me. It’s easier to just give in and allow him to enter my body than deal with the crap for saying no.

I may not even see him for days at a time but that doesn’t stop him from believing he has every right to go through my phone, I often hid it when he turned up. Even words like ‘I miss you’ have a damaging effect on me. Miss me ? Love me? Just makes me angry!! The last assault was because I didn’t want to leave him my house keys when I went to work. Just 10 days prior to that he did the same even took my glasses off ready to hit my face. He wins. He has the control. He has a warped opinion that tells me that it is his daughters house therefore he can come ANYTIME he likes.

Saying no to a narcissist never never ends well, so you find yourself plodding along. He takes this as his golden ticket to continue sleeping with you, continue the control and continue the disrespect.

No contact is the only way!

Posted in Abuse, relationships, alone, cheat, court, Deceit, DomesticAbuse, Girltalk, Heartbreak, Women

Escaping from Pathological Liars…

Posted on by KerryLouise

Join my group I mean it this time!

The most damaging of all the abuse is the lies. Every one tells small white lies but a pathological liar will tell a lie even when the truth isn’t something that would get him into trouble.

A pathological liar would say they had been to Costa for a coffee but in fact had a milkshake from McDonald’s. They will lie about anything they can get away with. I still remember my mind early on thinking ‘that doesn’t add up’ and ‘that doesn’t make sense’ but the lie was so small it didn’t seem to matter. Now I know this is a major red flag!

Last month on his birthday for instance he had our daughter and he said he was on the way to me and I should wait for him at home. 10 minutes he would be , 30 minutes went by and he said he was in the car. ‘You don’t sound like you’re in a car’ I say, a pathological liar will then react in an abusive way once he has been found out. The conversation gets heated, where he’s protecting his lie and finally he says ‘no you’re right I had to pull over because she had an explosion in her nappy.’ I ended up going to him and picking up my daughter to realise later there is no way her nappy had just been changed. A bizarre lie, unnecessary, he was where he said he was, just not in a car. It made no odds to me as I wanted to go to the supermarket anyway just unnecessary arguments because of the lies. Just why lie??? The truth was ok!

He lies to everyone, I see it constantly. Usually about where he is at any given time when he’s meant to be somewhere else. August for his sisters birthday was a particularly bad weekend. The best lie to his own mother ‘yes mum I’m just at MK station.’ The boy wasn’t even dressed! He was so set on trying to convince me that ‘he loved me’ and ‘he was going to put everything right’ he was in absolutely no rush at all to go see his family. Not caring about the fact he was already almost 24 hours late.

I can honestly say I have found the lying the most damaging. The bruises heal, the names he calls me are wiped away when he’s on his ‘nice’ side and I actually think how laughable some of it is. But the lies are damaging, destructive, evil and hard to explain. They make you feel like you are going mad! MAD! They believe their own lies they just must do. They will grab you and look deep into your soul, enough so you question everything you know. You question your own integrity, even question your own sanity. It’s so fucking powerful you have no choice.

Mainly the most destructive lies are that around his infidelity. Narcissists have a habit of promising you the world, they live in their own fantasy and often may well believe what they are saying. Even after you discover the truth they lie some more going between each woman manipulating both, making them believe they are the ‘chosen one.’ Like some sick love triangle that feeds into his ego and hurts and destroys in the process.

Since June of this year (just 6 weeks after we got back together) I have been telling him I do not want to be with him. The abusive behaviour was returning, he was drug dealing constantly, no plans to get a job (no real ones just lies) and his behaviours were reminding me of all the deceit I endured previously! I deserved better and I know longer was desperate for our family.

I needed out.

An abuser can’t bear that fact and begins his lies ‘all this is for you’, ‘I went to the job centre this week’, ‘it’s going to end next week when I have someone to cover me’, ‘I’m making enough money to set us up’, and ‘I can treat you like the Queen you deserve.’ They live in a fantasy world!! I do not KNOW the amount of times he’s had his car theory test booked, or how many times he’s seen probation and they have Work lined up. His favourite is ‘I’ll have some money for you next week.’ He hasn’t of course, they are all lies! All a control tactic so you will keep the communication up, knowing I would ring him asking for that money he promised.

Rather than just accepting I wanted to be on my own and not be with him he explains he will give me space. He carries on asking ‘how’s my beautiful wife’ , ‘I can’t lose you’ and ‘I’m going to prove it to you.’ ‘No way is this it’ he screams. I feel trapped, I still have someone who I am in love with (addicted to) promising me all this and it’s all part of his abusive cycle. Like a vodka bottle screaming drink me and it’s impossible to get out of.

“I know I don’t have a future with him, I don’t know how to get out of it and at that point all I know is I WILL.”

He rarely came by to see baby and it’s all about me, and that is where I am weak. There shouldn’t be no half way relationship (this is how it came to blows before) I made my decision and I should have stuck with it. Going along with it just seemed the easier option. Screams of ‘You are my woman’ or ‘you can meet someone else now you slag’, the first was less tiring. It was easier to just accept it, not make any issues. If I acted cold or said ‘we are not together’, he would get angry, violent, nasty and actually quite scary.

Cutting contact completely seemed too extreme and his manipulation made me fear the repercussions of that. He’s clever really. Not now though he really has pushed me too far. My daughter is NOT being exposed to his lies.

Hearing how he was going to show me what I mean to him repeatedly caused more pain when he just didn’t. Broken promises hurt. Everyone wants to hear the things he was saying and to then just deceive me is so painful. One particular evening when he was telling me all day he was coming to see me and how he he couldn’t wait. He was so excited apparently and I was not given a choice but to allow him this time. I ended up packing up all his stuff and it was in the bathroom for weeks. Middle of August it was, we had standard conversations throughout the day where he would keep saying ‘I’m going to be an hour’ .. 11am eventually turned into ‘I will be 20 minutes baby’ at 6pm and he just never showed. What kind of vile psychotic animal does that? All night I was ringing his phone and the reminders of HOW many times he put me through this previously. It’s sick, twisted, disrespectful, damaging and totally unforgivable.

He was with someone else. It was obvious and I am not stupid!! Of course he denied it and even though now I 100% know different he still will never admit! We’ve been here before! I was abused for ever suggesting it. I was the one saying sorry. After this occasion he even got our social worker in on his lies, she past on his messages ‘he will do what it takes to be a family.’ Always making promises he had no intention to keep.

He had his chance to leave me alone. He had his chances to just be a father without coming by feeling entitled to my body. Now he has ruined that.

How does someone get over all the lying? It is scary how well he lies. For weeks I’ve been saying how fucking obvious it has been, it’s him all over, he doesn’t have a home, when I’m pushing him away he needs another supply. He managed to get away with it for so long because I barely ring him. He’s come by stinking when he needs a shower. Like honestly. He’s not showering 4-5 days and shows up absolutely stinking. The empath in me lets him in ‘ I need you’, ‘I’ve been hurt’ alongside some fabricated story about a fight he’s had, ‘all I’ve been thinking about is you.’ Of course at 1 o’clock in the morning I can hardly say no, this particular time was early September, the next morning I got a punch in my leg for not ‘caring enough’. See how quick these cycles were. Crazy!

More recently I’ve got more angry with him, when he wasn’t around my mind would be going over and over. Second guessing EVERYTHING he’s ever said, remembering the times he lied before and when the truth was revealed he didn’t even seem bothered. A normal person feels embarrassed when lies are revealed, not a person like him. He believes it his right to lie, there’s a reason and it isn’t that bad anyway. He then expects trust like it’s a given right!

At these times he tells me I’m abusive to him. I probably am. Telling him I hate him daily, how disgusting he is, cheating and lying constantly. He would flip back and say worse but then quickly be so desperate for us to not argue. He definitely could realise he was losing control, so would switch on the charm (lovebombing.)

“Baby I’ve treated you so bad, I understand why you feel like this” and “I’m going to help you” and “you are my fucking world. I can’t even look at another woman.” He was so set on making out that it’s just my insecurities this time because of his previous track record I actually believe him. I believe that ‘he didn’t know what he had to lose last time.’ I believe when he’s around because he’s a a clever good liar. When I’m not wrapped up with his lies and charms my gut knows.. underneath I’m not as stupid as I’ve appeared to be for nearly 2 years. I’m not!

A pathological liar will not change, they only get found out by someone close to them. Psychologists have often said that it is in fact a mental disorder which begins from someone with such low self esteem they are hell bent on bringing others down and making themselves seem more attractive to everyone around them. When he can talk about a job lined up or his driving test booked or another favourite of his ‘I’ve bought you (or baby) something.’ Interesting when said thing never showed, it is then another lie as to why. It’s a complicated spiral web of manipulation and it’s fucking difficult to escape.

To everyone and anyone who will listen I am the liar, and oh they will believe him. They have no reason to not when he’s this much of a liar, it’s the way he gets through life.

He may be a good liar …. but he will be found out!

Posted in Uncategorized

Trust No One!!

Posted on by KerryLouise

If it’s not me having drama with men it’s the close people around me I swear. I have no faith in humanity anymore, none at all. It was very little before now but now it has gone completely.

Not only have I had to deal with some anger I have towards an ex best friend who was at the hands of an evil man suffering serious domestic violence but I have also learnt some news this evening that has shocked me. In fact shocked is an understatement, I don’t even know how to describe it. The ex best friend story can wait she’s irrelevant right now, my sister is priority.

It’s 5 minutes to midnight and I am waiting for my sister to come round and see me. She has tonight found out her boyfriend of 5 years has been seeing another girl. They have a 4 year old daughter and a mortgage on a house in which she plays complete wifey in. All I’ve had from my sister is that she saw his phone, she went through it and the girl is Russian, sends dirty pictures and he’s been buying her presents. I am livid… so livid! What an absolute coward of a man to blame the fact that they don’t have sex on this disgusting infidelity!

She’s making me feel anxious, I don’t know where she is.

OK she’s here!!