Tag: overdue

Posted in Singlemum

What is a Bullet Journal?

Posted on by KerryLouise

When I first was told about this concept I took one look at it and thought WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL. However that was when the link just took me to pages and pages of codes and words that I didn’t quite understand!

That was until I found Pinterest. Wow! The idea of all those pretty colours and clear (almmost) organisation got me hooked.

I’ve had a paper diary for as long as I can remember. If I don’t write things down I will forget. I have a day to page one now for work, which is super shiny and fabulous and from paperchase (of course).I’ve always got a notepad on the go too. I love stationary! I am very very visual and when I’ve tried to be organised in the past or got a holiday countdown and want to track my fitness. I get addicted to draw graphs and plans. My notebooks end up being just a big mess of scribbles and I lose the pages I wish to keep for ‘blog ideas’ or ‘quotes I like’ or ‘ideas for my book.’ The ideas for my book is a biggy, I often get hit with triggers regarding the abuse I have been a victim too and its like a light goes in my head and I am like ‘oh yeh.’

So for me the bullet journal idea is fab!

I could use it for work but to be honest for what I do I need a proper diary so that is staying, plus it was expensive and a Christmas present. Some people use it for work and personal but I’m sticking to just personal.

I even FaceTimed my equally enthused bullet journal sister and we spent an hour sorting our first pages out together. It was comforting and fun.

I decided I needed to go straight in and start, over thinking it would put me off another week (as it did my sister) and so be it if I go wrong. It adds character right! Like how I got all confused and put that November had 31 days so now December is all wrong, but hey ho.

I bought a notebook that has dots and page numbers already noted. It has an index page too. The dots are great for drawing lines.

It is lacking colour at the moment but I want some colouring pencils to help with that.

The beauty is it doesn’t matter if there’s no order because it’s meant to be random. It’s meant to be unique. I’m excited to use it more and really get in control of my life.

I’m sure I’ll add to it and change it as well which is fine. I plan to be super organised now and waste less time. I WASTE FAR TOO MUCH!

It’s going to help with my book writing, my studying and my half marathon training. I also plan to get more bloody sleep and eat much much better.

2018 Goals – TO BE THE BEST VERSION OF ME

Watch this space. Anyone got any bullet journal blogs?

Would love to read xx

Posted in DomesticAbuse

Never good enough

Posted on by KerryLouise

…this is how I feel. This is how I felt pre abuse too. People like me are like gold mines for people like him. Low self esteem, low self worth, easy to get entangled inside our minds.

I’ve had no iPhone all week and now it’s gone off for repair. I have a replacement now and oh my life it took security and a half to get it back sorted with all my stuff.

Having no phone has been pretty disastrous on my mental space. No distractions, no communications just my own thoughts. Why did he do that stuff to me? Why is he still denying the severity of it? I know just know I shouldn’t be thinking like this but I cannot shake it at all.

I’m almost adamant that my ‘date’ if I can even call it that will cancel today. I assumed I would have at least a snap from him when I got my phone back but no. I should stick to my guns, he’s already pushed my boundaries enough. He’s been rude at times, and he clearly no longer feels the same way as when we first spoke back in jan through to March. I agreed to meet him as I really want this conversation face to face but it’s making me uneasy. Even if he does come, he’s going to hurt me, going to lose interest it is inevitable.

I didn’t start today in a good place (well yesterday considering it’s now 5 in the morning). My baby was up during the previous night and when she gets on one boy she screams so bad! I swear the neighbours think I must be doing all sorts. I even got paranoid thinking next door called the police on me! People doubting I am a good mum. Once I stopped trying to leave her in her cot she was wide awake and giggling and saying ‘mumma ‘ … melts me!

Then my eldest had barely any pack up for school because she ate it night before, and went to school without her Christmas jumper all things I felt bad for. 2018 will be about organisation and that goes for my eldest daughter too.

Finally spoke to M he was concerned as my phone had been off. My mind is telling me today to stop being a fool he’s only talking to me because he’s in jail and got no one else. I’m also telling my self that despite the young one having personal issues I still fell for a lot of bullshit there too and that needs to be cut off. I need to work on this as it will only keep happening. My head is not good today, I’m questioning all the recent friendships I’ve made. What’s their alternative motive? It can’t be the reasons they are saying.

I am going to try and sleep some more and hope I wake in a better mood.

Posted in life, pregnancy, pregnant, relationships, Women

40+4 and still waiting … 

Posted on by KerryLouise


I was hoping the pessary would have got me going , no such luck. It’s been in 22 hours now, 2 more hours and it’ll be labour ward time for a drip and to have my waters broken!  Well at least when they are free for me!! I’ve had a few tightenings but nothing to get excited about and all I can think about is how bloody hot it is! Literally sweating, how am I meant to give birth in this heat ?? 

My mum is bringing my eldest daughter to come see me, can’t wait to give her a hug. Can’t lie I feel scared about going through labour again, especially knowing once again my baby is back to back and I’m being induced. Last time without an epidural and apparently that makes me a tough cookie! I want to go without again!! 

It’s bloody boring laying here. No energy to do anything else tho. 

I just want my baby in my arms! 

Posted in pregnancy, pregnant

40 + 2 

Posted on by KerryLouise

Excuse the unmade bed but here I am still pregnant! Comments about how high I still am are not helping either ! Meh! 

Sex again last night , and had a walk this evening (not far but a bit) in bloody 30 degree heat! 

I even had a glass of presecco at a friends bbq this evening as alcohol has been commented on to help relax. Nothing as of yet! Discharge has increased and tightenings continue but still nothing REAL.

Stretch and sweep tomorrow morning .. Dominic is coming with me which I am pleased about. Not looking forward to it but I am in the sense of what could happen after. 

Come on baby girl I want to meet you!!! 👶🏽

Posted in pregnancy, pregnant, relationships

40 + 1

Posted on by KerryLouise


I knew it just knew it, I would go over! 

Saturday night I got some pains that scared me, made me feel not ready. Reminder of what’s to come! They bloody hurt , it was 8 years ago I did it but I still remember !! 

They didn’t develop. 

I didn’t sleep too well last night. Woke numerous time then at about 3 I actually got up to watch a bit of TV. It’s nice having a cuddly sleeper in my bed but he does have a habit of laying right in the middle of the bed .. And when I’m this size I need more blimming room!! Restless legs were bad through the night too! 

Trying to just take each day as it comes. I have a stretch and sweep booked for Wednesday so hopefully that may get things moving. 

Dominic has started a new job today, they have cleared 2 weeks paternity as soon as baby as arrived but he’s on training this week so would be nice for him to get this week out the way before she is here. 

Laying on the sofa this morning just chilling I do think how nice it is for me to do this knowing I’m still growing my baby but when it comes to just normal tasks it’s pretty hellish! Breathless, aching and my face is very swollen! 

Oh baby girl when are you coming ???