Reminding myself …

Today is a weird fucking day.. felt anxious and weird for most of it! It didn't help that I fell asleep early last night and woke up unable to sleep until like 2am! 5:45am my alarm was set and just got back in at 9:45pm!! Day in London on a course for work, traffic was... Continue Reading →

Party Day !!

Tonight is my birthday party that I’m having with my sister. I can’t wait to dress up and drink and have some fun!! It’s now day 4 with no contact at all (again) and when things are drama free, calm and tranquil it’s bloody confusing for me! It feels alien and it’s these early stages... Continue Reading →

So strange ..

The meme is right , it will take a long time to actually get to grips with the fact that this is what we’ll be. Strangers! Well almost! Until April 2018 the non-molestation order is in place and I can’t even speak to him. Will that even happen? I doubt it, I bumped into him... Continue Reading →

The time has come ..

I just got the phone call. He’s in custody, he’s been arrested and he’s about to go in for interview. I feel sick. Monday night my baby woke up at 11pm and by 2:30am I was so beside myself with tiredness and anger I called him to release that stress. It helped, he took everything... Continue Reading →

Ate too much !!

Why is it whenever I ‘try’ to lose weight I overeat!? If I focus too much on it I can’t think about anything but overeating ! It went ok in the day then by the evening I ate everything in sight! I did well barely eating when I was under that stress, it came naturally... Continue Reading →

Seeing things more clearly ..

I’ve had a good day and I’m even feeling ok about being alone tonight. I went into town earlier and I bought a few items. Crazy how just shopping can bring back nasty vile memories of the man I was insanely in love with. Bin bags! Yes bin bags ... I remember buying a cheaper... Continue Reading →

Day 1

So I'm back at Day 1 on that rollercoaster that is dieting ! I've gained 7lb since May and it's purely down to the fact I can't just eat in moderation. If I have 1 cookie I see it as a failure so eat 6. It's a mad mentality. It needs to come back down,... Continue Reading →

8 days to go!!

After my post last night I felt quite strong, I had laid it all out and felt positive I could get through it no matter the outcome. Then I wake up.... I try call him around 10am and no answer so instantly I feel shit again. I want to send him a message just going... Continue Reading →

9 days to GOOO!!

It's after midnight so i could technically say 8 even, although I'm pretty sure she won't be coming early. With scan bringing me forward anyway by 4 days and well just my luck really to end up going over and have to be induced. 23rd September is my date for that joyous event, so any... Continue Reading →

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