I actually do not even know where to start!
Social services have been in my family’s life for way over a year. In that time they have offered nothing tangible to help my family and have completely failed as an organisation.
I will try to be brief but include everything that I feel is important to include.
Back in June 2017 I wrote my first letter of complaint. Then another which included the first in October 2017. Highlighting failings, even simple things about getting my name wrong in reports that looked like a standard template. Lack of visits. Setting unrealistic expectations for our family, setting me up to fail. I asked for help, I was honest about the abuse but was accused of minimising said abuse. It was a complete mess.
2nd review conference, the chair even stuck up for me and said the whole plan was not suitable for my family. Demanding no contact, how is that the answer? I was pushed to ‘play the game’ which clearly I’m not so many words means ‘lie.’ I’m not going to lie, I wanted help, I didn’t want to just lie and get them off my back and then what 6 months down the line either another referral or I’d feel like I couldn’t ask for help or call the police. This is dangerous and social services are aiding to this.
At the last child protection conference I felt like it was positive but again it was stated ‘no contact with ex’ and I was ok with this as I had a non molestation order. I still believe that if social had done their jobs properly… this would never have happened.
I understand children should never witness domestic abuse, I understand that some of the things witnessed by my eldest were wrong and can be damaging and I am ashamed and wish for them to live a safe life. However there is also proof that even children living in a home where their is no love between mother and father is also emotionally damaging on a child.
I also want to question how SS think just by ordering no contact that this has a ‘positive impact’ on a child’s upbringing. Equally where are they when said father continues to abuse mother through court?! They don’t want to know, a judge will award father contact without any serious risk and a judge will override any thing social services say. It’s me as the mother who is left hurt again with a father using contact to abuse me…. is this positive on a child’s upbringing?
As I wrote previously there has been contact since last conference and me being honest told my social worker. She’s seen my children ONCE all year. Remember they believe my children are at serious risk of harm. Pfft. She was meant to draw up an agreement for us to all arrange contact. Not done. All other professionals in the core meetings feel as I do. She stated my ex is not at risk to our daughter.
We’ve had a few rows since but nothing like what has happened in the past because (I personally am in a better place. I do not want him like that anymore and it’s taken a lot of personal development to get me there.) SS have done nothing to help that. I suggest if they keep me on CP over a few arguments they should investigate every single home in this country. Ridiculous to suggest that 2 people will never have cross words.
The system is outdated and useless, encourages people to lie. Minimise what is going on … just to get them out of their hair. I never wanted to do that. I didn’t want to lie. I wanted the support they promised, but it never materialises (like an abuser), they manipulate situations to make me look like a bad person (like an abuser) and they continue to keep me on a plan that is doing nothing.
This evening I finally text her to say I could not attend core meeting on Monday, the confirmation of this meeting came from someone else and I haven’t spoke to her. Equally my ex hasn’t been invited which my health visitor thinks is wrong, how can we move forward without including him. I told her that conference will be interesting and that if anyone contacts me afterwards then I will go for harassment. My point being ‘why keep me on a plan but do not even bother coming to see us.’ Anyway she clearly went to forward my message to someone but replied…
‘ Message from Kerry Gibbs. I am not working with her. End off’
How is that meant to make me feel? How bloody unprofessional. Someone who has always told me she’s on my side saying that about me. There is no support.
I need to coherently get my points across. It will be difficult when I have SO much to say but I won’t let them get away with this. They are failing, children are suffering because of them, they think they know all the answers with their crystal balls and I just DO NOT understand what ‘no contact’ does when on CP. It is unrealistic and naive to suggest that no contact will continue for the rest of our lives but they do absolutely nothing to help and support to minimise future incidents.
I am so angry!!
A question always asked to those putting up with too much crap in a relationship. ‘I would never put up with that’ is another assumption or even a criticism said to many who are suffering. Truth is until you are in that situation you just do not ever know. Ever!
I need to remember how many times I felt like this. I felt so lonely. I can honestly say I was more lonely with him than without. Now he’d do anything to not make me feel lonely… but it’s too late. Too late!!
Behind These Bluest Eyes 