Tag: pregnant

Posted in pregnancy, pregnant, relationships, Uncategorized

8 days to go!!

Posted on by KerryLouise

After my post last night I felt quite strong, I had laid it all out and felt positive I could get through it no matter the outcome. Then I wake up…. I try call him around 10am and no answer so instantly I feel shit again. I want to send him a message just going mad but I just need to realise that that doesn’t get me anywhere. I knew he’d be sleeping but it still gets to me as i’m thinking ‘what if I was in labour.’ My friend said I do need to chill, and I agree. When he finally got back to me about 12:30 you could tell he was expecting a reaction from me, but I didn’t give it… I was calm.

This evening we spoke abit before we went to the cinema, he’s assured me that all the wild crazy thoughts of what he gets up to is just that. Crazy and wild. My fear of him returning to prison has made me into someone he rather not be around and his thoughts of me with someone else has made him want to hurt me the way he felt hurt. It’s all been a mess.

Anyway obviously I understand that this can all be words. I’m under no illusion that he may still continue like this when she’s here but I have to just see what happens. My focus is and still will be me and my girls. Although I am gagging for a night out , a bit of party therapy may stop me from being so bitter about other people being able to drink haha.

Feet feel swollen tonight… having a few tightening’s and lower cramps but I’m not getting my hopes up. Still full of a cold, Doctor told me it would be cleared up by weekend. Well Doc ….. its still here!! MEH!!

I found my old Slimming World book today during some more nesting as they call it. Basically my waist when Courtney was 6 weeks old is the same size it is now at 39 weeks pregnant. I cannot believe how different this pregnancy has been. I’m excited for her to be here and for the weight loss challenge.

 

Posted in pregnancy, pregnant, relationships, Singlemum, Uncategorized

9 days to GOOO!!

Posted on by KerryLouise

It’s after midnight so i could technically say 8 even, although I’m pretty sure she won’t be coming early. With scan bringing me forward anyway by 4 days and well just my luck really to end up going over and have to be induced. 23rd September is my date for that joyous event, so any thing between now and then is just a waiting game.

I haven’t wrote in a good while. To be honest I feared this blog would turn into just one big moan and whinge about my relationship. It would highlight things that I really needed to do and I wasn’t quite ready. I even still don’t want to go in to everything because that isn’t why I started this blog but I need to get this down. We’ve been through a lot as a couple, a prison sentence being the main obstacle, then upon his release I got pregnant very quickly. It hasn’t been enjoyable at all and I am half the person I was this time last year. Well double in terms of weight of course.

I’ve given him the benefit of the doubt on numerous occasions, numerous being an understatement! Yet he’s persistently treated me badly with disappearing acts, being unreachable, going out for an hour and ending up a drunken mess at my door at 4/5/6am. His attitude has stank and more often than that he blames me for everything. Despite me being completely honest about a man I met during his prison sentence, and him even knowing before he came out he still told me he meant everything he said whilst inside. I was his world, he wanted to marry me and other things he promised. It didn’t last long, I’ve listened to how I don’t deserve to be treated well because of what I did to him and how I’m a slag basically. Unforgivable words if I’m completely honest and they still play on my mind now.

What has made this all the more difficult is that after every argument, every disappearing act, or times he has been mentally vile to me I get the real nice side. He’s sorry, he can’t lose me (I’ve begged for him to let me go) , he’s going to change, it won’t ever happen again…. and rather than us taking some time apart to start again within minutes he’s forgotten exactly what he’s done and said and we go back to the nice normal. Until the next episode that is… which is never long! Now I’m no angel, I don’t pretend to be… he says these things… I see red. I use words to hurt him back and it’s just been completely toxic. He’s just betrayed me so much, can’t hold a job down and I fear he will end up back in jail and that is something I put my complete faith into not doing when I stuck by him. I’ve supported him as much as physically possibly but he throws it back in my face.

I also hold my hands up I’ve been weak, he’s made me feel so low, SO SO low but due to the situation (mainly me being pregnant) when he’s making it up to me I have to embrace it to cling on to that happiness. The love is still insane, I’m sure anyone from the outside can tell me why put up with all that ? But when you love someone THIS much you cling on to every word and believe them and even at the times I HATE him … like hate him so much I just want to protect him and try and guide him. It’s a mess, I wish I hadn’t met him at times, I’ve often thought ‘what the hell have I done’ in terms of the pregnancy and I hate how he’s made me feel, but then on the other side he’s my best friend. He does have such a good heart and no one has ever made me feel as loved as he has. The extremes are too much.

It has made no sense why he would spend the hours talking to me, always getting to the ‘root’ of the problem for it to just happen again and before we know it were having the same chat again. I honestly believe him leaving me would have been easier. Yes hurt at first but this constant up then heartbreak, has broken me. Each time he does something it breaks my heart a little more. Since 2013 (when I’ve met him) during his arrest, court case, prison sentence and now this I could easily go the rest of my life without a single tear. I’ve cried enough!

Anyway more recently enough has been enough, we are apart. To be honest weekends feel no different as he barely spent any with me anyway, he’d tell me he would but then get ‘tied up’ and stumble in at stupid o clock often me being awake all night. Half expecting him to try tomorrow morning, he did last Saturday morning. Putting my buzzer on private doesn’t work, he just throws things at my window to either wake me up or get my attention. I then let him in like a weak fool!

I know many men can go crazy when girlfriends/wives get pregnant, we are also a massive exception to any rule since we’ve had no time to be ‘US’. He got his freedom back, I lost mine…. he’s taken full advantage that he knows I’m not going anywhere and I’m wondering if all this is even something I can forgive?!

His promises has now changed to when baby is here, I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt AGAIN. I will see how he is when she is here, if he continues like this he does not deserve a relationship with this baby. He will say I’m bitter and using her against him, I say it’s me protecting my daughter from a man who may or may not be in her life or it is as when he chooses. Babies don’t need part time dads who want to be out on road all the time, or partying all weekend, or even risking their freedom, they need stability, love and lots of involvement!

In terms of our relationship, this week he has been a bit colder. Hasn’t been his usual self in trying to ‘make it up to me’, he’s taken a step back but he still stands by that he wants me, he wants us to try. We haven’t spoke in great detail, but has made comments about how I’m crazy. Does he still fail to see that it’s been him? Treat me like this… I get crazy…. It’s not rocket science.

I go from wanting him so bad to thinking I just possibly couldn’t forgive him for all what has happened. Knowing his charm though I think as long as he does change and do as he says when she’s here then he’ll have me smitten again. I am ADAMANT in the fact that anymore of this fuckery then it’s over. I love him, but I love myself and my baby girls more. Only so many life lines you can give someone and it won’t be long until I’m back to the old confident me and it will be him who wakes up and realises what he has done. Maybe not in a few weeks but one day. Everyone who knows the situation (not many) but they all say the same…. including his mother. He won’t get better than me, and even if I do see him with someone else… I’ll know she’ll just be putting up with the same shit I did and honestly if he couldn’t be a better man for me and his daughter he won’t do it for anyone.

It’s so hard admitting you was wrong about someone, or even admitting that the man you were so in love with could possibly treat you like this during pregnancy. I’ve often felt ashamed, felt like maybe it was me, felt like an idiot for even getting pregnant by such a douche in the first place and seriously NO ONE has known how bad its been…. NO ONE!

What doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger and ok I didn’t plan my life to be single with two children by two different dads but that does not mean I can’t find happiness one day. Definitely put off men for a long long time though, and pregnancy well NO WAY! Just NO!! I’ll have my two girls, I have my independence and I have my career and life to focus on. I’m 30, it’s still young really. It’s going to be ok.

 

 

Posted in pregnancy, pregnant, relationships

35 day countdown! 

Posted on by KerryLouise


Today marks me at 35 weeks pregnant! Eeeek! We are sooo nearly there now. I am SO ready , yet our home really isn’t ! 
The weekend has been a good one but I must admit I feel like I’ve just done a week in Ibiza! I’m exhausted !! 

I was up early Saturday morning all set to drive to London with the boy to see his family. It was his sisters birthday and so their was a family BBQ. I didn’t sleep great on Friday night after being woke by one of the stupid neighbours in the street at 2am but Dominic had just worked a night shift so him sleeping in the car didn’t make me mad and in fact it was quite nice to have some peace. He’s the worst back seat driver ever and honestly if he was sleeping due to being out on the lash it would have made my blood boil!!! Luckily that wasn’t the case so it was a calm drive , until we reached London THEN I get wound up with the traffic. Dom had the right idea by sleeping to avoid my traffic induced mood. I continually mutter how much I hate London and that never bodes well with a London boy apparently! I’m also unsure whether I got done by a red light camera. God dammit! Will have to wait and see on that one but yeh I’m sure if he was awake I would have been vile company after that. 

He then had a sleep when we got to his mums and I chilled with his mum for a bit and had my laptop. I then agreed to go to Victoria to pick up his Grandma. She’s a sweet lady, love her strong Jamaican accent and it was interesting hearing her views on many things in the car on the way back to Camberwell. 

I started to feel a little bitter when Dom was drinking his alcohol and all I could enjoy was a Pineapple KA. However I still bit my tongue to avoid me starting anything due to me being miserable jealous and pregnant! He was a nice drunk though, that I can handle. Started talking a lot of rubbish still but it was nice rubbish (if that is possible) and he was very loving. So I soon accepted that women just have the raw end of the deal, bloody men! 

Acid reflux was bad last night. Made me sick again. I rather just get it up than feel it in my throat. My friend and I joked today about how many anti-indigestion tablets I’ve purchased this pregnancy. She suggested about 100, Emily does like to exaggerate … But it could well be close. 

Dom was upset when I left him in London this morning, but I had to be back for my baby shower. The roads were so much clearer this morning, I like London like that. I get to my destination for the right time and I remain calm. We like calm Kerry. Calm Kerry is positive. I even remained super calm when we had 45 minutes to make all the sandwiches and cook the mini pizzas. Why do I remain so calm in stressful situations and even see the funny side with my friends but with my boyfriend I turn into the devil?! Hmm I need to work on that. Everything came together though and I couldn’t feel more lucky and happy this evening. 


Dom’s still in London though and I miss him, oh and my feet are defo beginning to swell now! Maybe that’s more due to the hot weekend and lack of sleep. 


I’ve had friends drive from London and from Birmingham today and some of the words written for me really made me well up. I’m so lucky and baby Ariana is already so loved! 

Now an overload of pictures:


Me and my 3 younger sisters. Using the baby balloon to cover the baby bump. 


Just a selection of the wonderful gifts from my amazing friends. 


35 week bump and my 7 year old daughter, who when filled out my prediction card wrote that I would be in labour for 7 days ! Cheers kid! 

35 days to gooooo! 💗

Posted in Uncategorized

Positive positive ! 

Posted on by KerryLouise


I realised last night how negative my blog always is. It’s true from what my midwife says that people only tend to blog when things are bad.

I promised myself today I would have a better day. I didn’t sleep too well though and I was already stressed out before 11am when my daughter wouldn’t get dressed! I have no energy and I struggle with simple tasks. Dominic tells me I need to take it more easy but I don’t actually even do a lot , just getting ready I struggle. 

I felt better by about 1am and agreed to go into town with my mum sister niece and daughter. I got a new dress to wear for Sunday (my baby shower) nothing fancy but at least I have something. Then I sat in a deckchair at the market square artificial beach with the girls whilst mum and sis went off shopping.


Tonight me and my friend decided to take the next step in trying to get in touch with a life long friend who has cut us off for the past 2/3 months. Basically back in May this particular friend came to mine at 3am and made a statement to the police about her ‘boyfriend’ of two years. The statement was horrific, the violence that girl had endured made me physically sick. I knew the relationship was toxic but ALOT more went on than she ever made out. She was sorry, she was thankful for us being there and she felt ashamed for not getting away sooner. Only days later it came to light she retracted her statement and then decided she didn’t want our friendship anymore. Without explanation she cut us off and got back with him. We’ve been friends since we were 11 years old!! 

Tonight we went to speak to her mum, we are too good of friends to accept that that is it. She’s back with an abusive man and what’s more WHEN it goes wrong again she has no one! Her mum didn’t have a clue, she knew the police were involved but she assumed she has got away. She was very thankful we had told her and she said how she is lucky to have friends like us but is biding her time to talk it all out with her until after her brothers wedding. 

She messaged us both via a group on whatsapp since and has basically told us she is thankful for us being there but she just wants to put everything behind her. We’ve questioned why that means we can’t be friends still and she’s just chosen to ignore us again. It does hurt, I miss her loads but I do go through days where I think ‘selfish stubborn bitch’ to other days where I think ‘she needs us, she’s confused vulnerable and unsure.’ We still can’t give up though, no way. 

My positives for today :

  • Our friend actually communicating. Saying ‘thankyou’ when we said hope she was ok and she did also say ‘hope you’re ok too’. This is progress from having no response from a text and she even hung up on my friend too! 
  • My top picture is a snap of what my nan had made for me. How cute!! So much stuff there that I will need for my baby. I can pack my hospital bags now, seems so real! 
  • I saw on a baby group how women feel upset about their men who are not interested in their bump at all. I don’t have that problem. Dominic talks to her, kisses my bump, loves feeling her move, tries to wake her up and will talk about his love for her. Ok he can be bloody selfish, and can say hurtful things but he is also very very loving. I guess I should give him more praise for that. PLUS he was actually on time today!! SHOCK!! 

Even though everything isn’t resolved with said friend as explained with my positive point 1, I can feel content this evening that we made progress. 

I go to sleep feeling happy … I just hope these restless legs don’t disturb my sleep too much tonight ! 

Posted in pregnancy, pregnant, relationships, Uncategorized

40 days to go! 

Posted on by KerryLouise

Mood: Irritable as hell 

Seriously I’ve been in a foul mood today! Foul! The boyfriend doesn’t help because he rises to it, and makes it worse. Why can’t he just understand that days like today .. ‘I’m allowed to be this way!’ Courtney was a good girl all day, it’s just the evening she becomes a bit much sometimes and I am out of breath with the amount of times I’ve screamed at her to tidy her room! 

The boy did start the painting and I didn’t even have to say anything, only had the paint 3 weeks like. I did moan at him for using my brand new towel to kneel on though and also pointed out the paint on the floor. I wish I could bite my tongue and not interfere but I can’t help it. But with me and him it’s fire with fire , instead of him saying ‘sorry babe here’s your towel’ and ‘the paint won’t stay there I’ll get it up’ it’s ‘I’ll just buy a new towel’ and ‘it’s straight enough’ ‘the floor is dirty anyway’ and ‘I don’t have to do this you know.’ 

Just accept I’m heavily pregnant, accept I’m going to moan and we can all just get on with it. I’m also a woman… It’s inevitable we will get involved! 

I also do not know HOW many times I’ve explained to him what ‘Rennie’ is … Ok I buy morrisons own indigestion tablets (cheaper) so it doesn’t actually say Rennie on the packet but neither do the Co Co Pops in my kitchen. Aldi own brand have some other name for them, but we all still call them Co Co Pops right ?! OK this all sounds so stupid but it’s bloody infuriating when he acts stupid and can’t pass me a pissing indigestion tablet without a row!! Especially since I get through about 6 a day sometimes more !! 

Motivation for anything has been lacked today. I need to get to the post office. Register the business. Start my independent project and complete a training document for a volunteer role. I only left the house to take Courtney to her swimming lesson and that was a mission. The walk used to take me 5 minutes now it’s closer to 15 and it’s hell!! I should get back on my iron tablets. Only myself to blame. 

When Courtney is in bed and the boyfriend is at work I finally feel peace … I enjoy ‘Me’ time.

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6 weeks to go !! 

Posted on by KerryLouise

I keep seeing pictures of newborn babies and I think ‘Awww I want one’, crazy to think I only have 6 more weeks and my own one will be due. Maybe she’ll be here, please don’t let me go over little girl!! 

Had a great day at the Christening, it was lovely to do my hair and make up for an occasion. For someone who was so used to getting dressed up every weekend and who now barely even brushes her hair it was definitely a treat. I had a bit of a meltdown before we left and decided the heels were a no go. I’m tall anyway so when I feel this size I rather not stand out too much. We slept in quite late, 10:45am I woke and thought shiiitttt! These school holidays and no work is making me lazy, but hey ho I must enjoy this whilst it lasts. 

I do not understand for the life of me how I can get ready before the man. He’s so bloody slow, ‘you had a shower before me’ he says … Yes maybe but then I had to dry my hair and put on make up. What does he actually need to do?! I watch him painfully putting on his boxers, I swear that takes nearly 2 minutes. I huff a lot, I’m soooo impatient. Yet we still managed to get there without any real blows. Progress. 

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The joys of pregnancy .. 

Posted on by KerryLouise

I can’t believe I’m 34 weeks tomorrow .. It has gone so quick when I think about it but certainly not too quick.

Third trimester sickness is here , I was actually sick on myself whilst driving on Thursday. Then again when I had to pull over at the side of the road, at the same time being sick I genuinely wondered if my waters went. Other half confirmed it may just have been urine (gross) and I accepted that I’ve just become incontinent at this late stage of pregnancy. How attractive !! I kept an eye on it yesterday and I had noticed it feeling quite wet. Today I mentioned it to a couple of people and they suggested it is best to get checked out. I had an afternoon sleep and then monitored movements when I woke. She wasn’t as active as she has been so this made me more concerned and so I gave triage a call.

We are so lucky with our national health service, not made to feel unwelcome at all. They encourage women to go when they are concerned about anything! Very reassuring. 

Everything was completely fine, looks like little miss has moved and she is even more back to back now so maybe the reason for lack of movements. Waters haven’t gone but just normal pregnancy discharge was the culprit. Oh these joys!

The boy just cooked a prawn stir fry. It was spicy. Usually I can handle spice more than him but my mouth is on fire! It was nice though, baby is moving crazy now. Typical.

We have a christening tomorrow, I have a maternity dress to wear and I’m actually going to do my hair and make up. A complete rarity these days. I’m actually excited ! Xx

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The unreasonable man..

Posted on by KerryLouise

After studying law and hearing the reference to the reasonable man on many many occasions I am left wondering if this man really exists. My man is not reasonable, he is even that unreasonable he does not even know himself what he expects of me to acommodate his unreasonableness.

Let me explain…. so he’s been on nights this past week and it does work quite well. I’m not wondering where he is every evening, wondering what time he’s going to come in and wake me up, constantly being let down on a time, whilst I wait to go to bed. It will work well too when the baby is here, it always did when I had my first with my ex anyway.

Yesterday all hell break lose because at approximately 5pm I shouted something in the bedroom, baring in mind he was moaning about the workmen outside anyway so had already been disturbed. I immediately apoligised and left him alone. I then had to endure about 15 minutes of his poor attitude. Muttering how I was weird, how I was selfish… oh and not to mention how he should just go to his nans because at least he’d be able to sleep there. He’s kissing his teeth, saying I’m so strange, theres nothing to eat and just all sorts of stuff I just feel so unapprecaited and like a worthless piece of shit at this point. I’ve got better at not reacting but I do find I have to let my emotions out somehow so I cry. I then hear how ‘here we go again’, ‘always fucking crying’, ‘stessing out my daughter’, ‘crocodile tears’… eventually I do snap… breaking point. I attack. I get violent, it’s wrong and I know this but he pushes me sooooo far I just cannot cope with his words anymore. His silence would be ok, but he just continues… keeps pushing me and pushing me with his vile words and I just sit there and expected to take it all?

So of course after I’ve hit him, then I’m the bad one, I have a problem, I bring this all on my self. I’m vile and posion. How he can’t wait to watch me fail on my own as a single mum, and some other stuff that I just HAVE to try block out. He does slap me back, and he does get on top of me and holds me tight so I can’t hit out anymore. The same time his face so close to mine whilst he continues to scream heart breaking things in my face.

He won’t let me leave, he snatches my phone to call his mum and my God the lies and his ‘side of the story’ is far different to the events that had just occured. Apparently all he said was ‘babe that was a bit selfish’ and I flipped, then apparently after I flipped he held my hand and told me to calm down. HA fucking HA!! Its worrying because he genuinely believes his own lies and his version of events. Drives me even more insane. Telling his mum how I beg him to come here, how I’m moaning I am lonely without him. Must be someone else because that certainly is not me.

After he didn’t accept my apoligy he told me it was because I didnt mean it. I also made a point that he hadn’t sleep that late all week, he told me thats irrelevant and I shouldn’t be justifying that for shouting. I also reminded him how many times he has in the past 7 months, woke me up, allowed me not to sleep due to me not knowing where he is, and came in at 2/3/4/5 even 6 o clock in the morning. ‘That’s been the weekend’ he screams, I work fucking weekends so that makes no odds to me and equally it hasn’t only been the weekend. One wednesday night which is still very memorable  and I had an exam the next day!!!! His selfishness is so unreal, all because I shouted a few lines at 5pm on Tuesday evening.

Before he went to work he tried to kiss me and then questioned whilst I was being distant. If that isn’t bipolar I don’t know what is. I then send him a text telling him to go to his nan’s after work in the mornin. How I wasn’t anyones pity girlfriend,I also explained about the numerous times he hasn’t thought of me when rocking up at what ever time o’clock in the morning.

What a surprise, he didn’t listen. He was here at 6:40am kissing my face, touching my bump, telling me he loves me and to sleep some more. I slept in this morning, 10:20 I woke and quietly informed him I was off out at about 11:30. Told him to sleep well.

THEN…. I get ‘oh great you’re out again’, ‘I never see you’, ‘I work all week and you just go out all the time.’ This isn’t the first time he’s said stuff like this… He’s once moaned because I worked saturdays and realistically that’s the best day he can spend with me. He brings up on numerous occasisons how he’s tried to make plans with me but I’m ‘too tired.’ In my defence he’s asked about 4 times and I was tired as I have worked all day and I am fucking pregant. He does not let me live that down though, so it’s my own fault why we never do anything together. Does he think of me when he’s in the nightclub all night?!? Does he fuck! So I am not about to feel bad when I am doing things in the school holidays with my daughter when he’s meant to be sleeping anyway!!!

The joke is he even then tells me he’ll be up the same time as yesterday, oh God! So I tell him I’ll be back then so we can spend some time together before he goes to work. Surely someone working nights that is normal. I think he expects me to just sit in the flat all day until he wakes. Make him food for when he wakes, shower him and wash all his clothes too. For him to then just go out anyway!!

I was later coming back from my mums then I thought I would be but he wasn’t in. He then tells me on the phone he’ll be back at 9pm (he’s picked up for work at 9:30) so I am left wondering what his little hissy fit was about earlier. He’s either proving a stupid point or he honestly just moans at me for the sake of moaning.

From where I see it, he wants everything on his terms. He wants a wifey, a woman with no life, one that’s always around. Where he’s the priority and he wants me around when he’s free but when smoking and drinking and everything else is an option thats when he isn’t interested. I must try not to react. I’ve told him enough times I don’t want a life like this. He has insecurities about me leaving him in the future but he certainly isn’t going the right way around for that to not happen. Times like this I actually daydream about a man who appreciates me, a man who does little gestures to show me he cares, going back to dating and getting those butterflies. Not this constant anxious feeling of hate and resent because I’m treated like a burden on someones life. He’s missed his lift for work like 4 times out of 7, I’m then the mug he relies on to take him. I’ve also taken him money on two occasions because he’s forgotten it. He wants a mother as well as a wife, that just is not me!

Fuckin hell its 9pm and he’s here ……

Posted in Uncategorized

Fat Friday

Posted on by KerryLouise

Diet: Bad   Relationship: Good   Mood: OK

Another hot stuffy day, I was promised rain and it did not deliver. Looking at the forecast there is no rain for the forseeable future either. I want rain, I need it to be cooler. I’m still super lucky that I havent had any swelling. My feet still look normal sized, amazing since I’m now nearly 33 weeks pregnant and I had bad feet from around 25 weeks last time.

I do feel fed up every now and again. When I’m thinking about how long left and how much bigger I will get. I just avoid mirrors and that helps the situation. I saw an old work friend today and she was shocked at how little time I had left so I took that as a positive.

My sister and I took our little girls to an American diner today where one of my other sisters works. I did eat alot, starters which included mozzerella sticks, breaded chilli peoppers and breaded mushrooms. My main was a chicken, chips and coleslaw, then of course a hot chocolate fudge cake with cream for dessert. I couldn’t move for a while after and I swear I grew in size. In my defence other than that all I had was a bowel of frosted shreddies, good job really as even now 7 hours laer I still couldnt eat again.

I had sex this morning when Dominic got in from work. We’ve gone from every day to like maybe once a week if he’s lucky. My sex drive was insane at the beginning, now I actually have no desire. I do look at it him and think corrr but I just enjoy admiring him from a distance, my growing bump and inability to move quickly just makes sex feel like a chore rather than an enjoyable past time. When we hit 37 weeks though, I’ll do it ALL the time!! I’ll want this baby out!! We actually had no arguments today, he did get funny about me going out to eat earlier, tried to make me feel guilty but he doesn’t think of me when he’s spent all night in a night club so I wasn’t going to buy into his sob story. He soon got over it, he needs his sleep anyway working nights.

The flat across the road is becoming a real problem. This week alone I’ve told them at 11pm to keep music down. Then Dominic has told them twice, once last night at 9:30pm just before I took him to work and once this evening at 7:30pm. I just heard music again at nearly midnight. Tried to get their attention but failed, luckily it has stopped now. I MUST call enviromental health on Monday, I actually wonder how they even ever got planning permission for these flats. When we bought this flat over 9 years ago I was told the building opposite was listed and flats would never be built because they were too close…surely I can sue someone somewhere! Getting pissed off now, wouldn’t be so bad if the flats were like ours but they are clearly all housing association. Just last night there were 4 police cars in the street, an ambulance and a stupid woman crying drama, then the issue the other week with all the kids in the street. Hmmmm. I shall do my research.

 

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No breasts … No opinion! 

Posted on by KerryLouise

The topic on breastfeeding can always be a heated one. I remember it previously when I was a member of a forum, it would go out of control. Bottle feeding mums would feel shamed whilst breast feeding mums may have put themselves on a pedestal. It does seem now that society are adapting more so to the ‘a fed baby is a happy baby,’ rather than ‘breast is best’ comments. 

However when your own boyfriend has strong feelings around the subject that can prove difficult ! I’m so tired right now to even go into any coherent explanation but let’s just say he’s assuming breastfeeding is easy and me saying I don’t imagine myself going longer than 6 months is me only caring about me. Grrr! Maybe grow your own breasts with milk and see how you get on mate !! I remember with my daughter how hard it was, she didn’t latch on very well and it does make you concerned. I’m going into this with my mind open. If it doesn’t work out, I won’t feel ashamed and all I ask is my boyfriend supports me with that too. I have a breast pump and some bottles to express. I have no intention to buy formula in ready but all I can do is my best! Maybe me saying that I won’t be doing it after 6 months does make me sound selfish and maybe even a little hypercritical since I don’t know how it’s going to go or feel if I am breastfeeding exclusively. Oh well I can’t change my thoughts , I just hope he doesn’t judge if it doesn’t go to plan as that will be very upsetting !!

I flipped out again too, earlier tho and that again was due to his unnecessary comments regarding the decorating. I need to calm down but he needs to reign in his comments ! Men!! They don’t think before they speak I swear. 
Breakfast – frosted shreddies

Lunch – cheese and ham toastie

Dinner – jacket potato cheese & beans

Snacks – popcorn and sweets & cinema. Strawberries