Aftermath of trauma..

I am struggling. It's all a process and ok I don't feel as angry (apart from with the stupid interfering skank who thinks she knows the man I've known 4 years) but I am suffering with my own thoughts. I spoke with M again last night. It's nice to talk to him but even that... Continue Reading →

I am better than this

I can't shake it from my head I want to badly to ring this fool and tell her to get her pointy nose out of my business! 2 months you've known him and he was sleeping with me the whole time yet you call him your 'partner'. You messed up individual! I am so so... Continue Reading →

This is just a rant ..

At times I can take a step back and analyse the situation. There is no doubt in my mind that my abuser is a extreme narcissist. It is so deep rooted that I don't even have to feel concerns that to everyone else he is respectful and honest because he isn't. He has no consideration... Continue Reading →

Empower me..

Only a quick one tonight, I had many thoughts going through my head today so I wanted to record them somewhere. Mostly some pointers for future blogs as right now I don't really have the time to go into them in depth. I wanted to talk about the 'other' side of my abuser. My previous... Continue Reading →

Reminding myself …

Today is a weird fucking day.. felt anxious and weird for most of it! It didn't help that I fell asleep early last night and woke up unable to sleep until like 2am! 5:45am my alarm was set and just got back in at 9:45pm!! Day in London on a course for work, traffic was... Continue Reading →

Party Day !!

Tonight is my birthday party that I’m having with my sister. I can’t wait to dress up and drink and have some fun!! It’s now day 4 with no contact at all (again) and when things are drama free, calm and tranquil it’s bloody confusing for me! It feels alien and it’s these early stages... Continue Reading →

It’s not fair

That’s all I’m feeling like this morning. If I still had his number I would call him again and say all this to him! But what’s the point! I had to delete it again yesterday. He’ll listen, agree and say he’s going to change his life around but it’s bullshit. He’s still dealing drugs now... Continue Reading →

Seeing things more clearly ..

I’ve had a good day and I’m even feeling ok about being alone tonight. I went into town earlier and I bought a few items. Crazy how just shopping can bring back nasty vile memories of the man I was insanely in love with. Bin bags! Yes bin bags ... I remember buying a cheaper... Continue Reading →

Baby had her first bottle 🍼

It hasn't been an easy decision and I did ignore the health visitors advice for a week. The breastfeeding gurus on Monday told me to just feed more but realistically with this current set up it's pretty impossible. I don't have the support a woman needs who wants to exclusively breastfeed, I still get pain... Continue Reading →

My baby is 3 weeks old ! 

Today my baby is 3 weeks old , she is so alert and everyone who sees her can't get over how beautiful she is. This makes me sad that her own father is missing out on this joy.  I woke up feeling low again. More disappointed that he hasn't attempted to find out how she... Continue Reading →

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