Really bad week this week, like a weird crazy emotion in my head. I keep imagining being hit by a man, a different man to my ex. I imagine and feel how that would feel, then I remember the times I was hit for real. The most recent time was one of the worst, hit... Continue Reading →
What is wrong with people?
So on Monday I'm presenting on the importance of boundaries yet I still have to question where the hell mine are! I bought myself an iPad today, my mum put towards it and I've done the right thing. Not opened it up yet. I got my girls some matching Christmas pyjamas today too and that's... Continue Reading →
Never good enough
...this is how I feel. This is how I felt pre abuse too. People like me are like gold mines for people like him. Low self esteem, low self worth, easy to get entangled inside our minds. I've had no iPhone all week and now it's gone off for repair. I have a replacement now... Continue Reading →
Working on me
Obviously the meme is a joke but I do really need to get myself back in the gym! Realistically it will probably be new year now but I am going to focus on making small changes until then. When I go through all that stress I barely eat then when I feel relatively content again... Continue Reading →
She set her boundaries and rebuilt her life
A week on Monday I am presenting my presentation on boundaries to a group of fellow networkers. I've distanced myself from reading all about narcissism and abuse for a few days. It got too much, and I felt I was reliving too much of the abuse. He's an abusive man there are no two ways... Continue Reading →
A Queen will always turn pain into power
I can't even explain how good it feels to not have that constant awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was wearing me down, wearing me down so bad. Imagine hearing the bull shit I love you's whilst still being disrespected and still hoping for the man to step up and be a... Continue Reading →
Starting to feel at peace
There has been times where I have dredded the weekends. Even when he was half in my life, the chaos and loneliness was mad. I definitely felt more lonely when he was in my life than now he isn't. I speak to M on the phone every evening and I have another for company too.... Continue Reading →
Why does he cheat?
It is impossible to sum up everything in just one blog post. However it can all be found in my blog but what I'm finding particularly difficult and I tend to relive in my mind daily, is the abuse I experienced regarding my abusers infidelity. This isn't a man who would cheat on odd occasions... Continue Reading →
The Truth will Conquer
I've had a good day today. Well better than still can be expected. It really is always a rollercoaster of emotions. Spoke to M last night for ages. It's so nice to actually chat with someone and just get on. He makes jokes about me being his girl and we talk about life before. I... Continue Reading →
Aftermath of trauma..
I am struggling. It's all a process and ok I don't feel as angry (apart from with the stupid interfering skank who thinks she knows the man I've known 4 years) but I am suffering with my own thoughts. I spoke with M again last night. It's nice to talk to him but even that... Continue Reading →
Behind These Bluest Eyes 