Category: Ibiza

Posted in alone, baby, cheat, Company, Deceit, Detox, exercise, Fitness, Heart, Heartbreak, Ibiza, Journey, life, Lonely, love, Mistakes, mother, Parenting, relationship, relationships, sex, single mum, singlemum, Singlemum, Strength, Uncategorized, Weigh, Weight, weightloss, Women

Day 5

Posted on by KerryLouise

Woke up at my friends house and felt quite strong. I think it surprised her and we spoke about it. I agreed that him not having anyone made it easier but equally I’ve learnt from the last time! 

I went home about midday and I was greeted by the vile character again. Moaning how I had woke him up! Ummm excuse me ? Your lucky you had a bed to sleep in! He began by saying I did push him, shifting the blame AGAIN! Saying some of the words I had said stuck in his head, reminded me of the day we had an argument and he was eating in the cafe she worked in. That’s the day he got her number. That made me sick !! 

I kept asking why so cold? Why so calculated and pre-meditated? Not even trying to cover it up by disappearing completely on me. Like one night he text me at 3am saying ‘baby I’m coming now I only love and want you’ … and never came!! What makes someone click like that?? He doesn’t know! He told me it hadn’t registered yet .. that we were over. Hasn’t hit him. He tried to have sex with me, he was close but I stayed strong. 

My sister wanted to call him last night. She came over for some wine, she helped me a lot. Just the company and the laughs. His phone was off , she then text her … not sure yet if she got a response. I laid awake a lot assuming she’s let him back in. She seemed very sure when she spoke to me, laughing at him in fact, apologising to me. But hey I know how good he is with his words.. ‘this is what I needed to get away’, ‘I’ll prove it to you’ , ‘let me just stay until I get somewhere,’ who knows what he’s said. God his words make me sick. Fake fraudulent person! 

Even if she has had him back, I won’t be fighting for his attention this time. I’ll just be glad that someone else has to put up with his bullshit. His coming and going as he pleases. His lack of support financially. His boyish behaviour!! She can deal with it all… she can fight for his attention because let’s face it. He won’t leave me alone, he never will. 

I’m actually excited. My baby isn’t just 2 weeks old this time. She’s nearly 4 months. I can have a social life and I am going too. I’m going to go to Ibiza this year again, to which he said ‘no fucking way.’ I’m going to date and meet people ! I’m buzzing! We have our holiday booked, told him we would still go. If he doesn’t pay though, I won’t and I’ll see if a friend will come instead. His fucking loss!! 

Under my calorie goal again, although once again drank wine. 

Life will be good! 

Posted in Beauty, Challenge, Fitness, Girltalk, Heart, Holiday, Ibiza, Journey, law, lawstudent, life, Lonely, love, mother, prison, Prisoner, prisonwives, Running, sex, single mum, Stretch marks, student, Weight, weightloss

1 Saturday down , 5 to go ..

Posted on by KerryLouise

.. Until I am able to go out and party!! I have my little girl tonight anyway so wouldn’t have gone out tonight but tomorrow could have been a possibility. Craving a good night out so bad!! 

1,818 calories today, had a Chinese with my mini me but counted it correctly. I didn’t snack at all today and that makes such a big difference in your calories, they soon add up. I was under on the fat and sugars content too. I didn’t manage to go for that run this morning, woke up feeling so groggy as I have been doing for a while now. More water, more water a must and back drinking my herbal teas I once got into a good routine with. 

I bought a new cream today and at nearly £10 (and that was half price) it wasn’t cheap. Nip + fab tummy fix it’s called, the reviews look good and after I stood in my underwear in front of the mirror at the sunbed shop I realised how bad the tummy situation is. I took a photo, not brave enough to upload yet but I will do if I get a good picture in a month or so to compare it. Will let you know if it works. I know it’s pretty natural to have stretch marks and excess skin after a pregnancy and especially for someone like me who has lost over 6 stone but to me it just looks weird. Not natural at all. I did get into a good shape last year and it began to look better but I was having a personal trainer then, I am hoping I can do it again without one. 

It’s 1:40am, I did my usual of having a late evening kip to study more effectively. It works yet my body clock is all over the place. Proud of what I have achieved tonight tho. Tomorrow I am working again, cinema date with my daughter then I will pick a different topic to get my teeth into. I’ve got this!!

65 days till Ibiza !! 

Posted in Challenge, Diet, Fitness, Heart, Ibiza, Journey, lawstudent, student

Day 4 and in need of a plan …

Posted on by KerryLouise

… So it’s 4 weeks to exams, I have quite a lot of work booked in and also training for the 10k Race for life.

I have just had a meeting with my personal tutor (very late in the year) but the action plan section we had to think about got me thinking about how action plans can be a very good idea not only academically but also in real life. Tonight I shall plan a revision timetable for the next 4 weeks. 

I went over 2,000 calories yesterday the co co pops got the better of me and although today I am not eating badly I know this evening potentially a chippy is on the cards. As long as I don’t over eat right? My relationship with food can be  just like that , my mentality of ‘diet starts tomorrow, eat all the food’ has happened far too much in the past and ironically the times I have lost the most weight and felt the best have been times I have trained ALOT and not focused too hard on the word ‘diet’. My fitness pal is great for that, just making me a little bit more conscious of what I am eating and how much. I was getting into the habit again of thinking I had ate a lot in one day, “so let’s just eat some more” when in reality I really hadn’t. 

The truth is I am already feeling loads better, my legs are back to looking slim and if I turn to my side and breathe in 😉 I know I can get there. Basically what I am saying is, if I want chocolate I am going to eat it. Revision and sugar free is just too much, plus I have 4 weeks after exams finish before Ibiza when I can focus more on nutrition. 

The more I think about the marathon the more I hope I am successful it getting a place. I have ALOT to work on but I am prepared for that challenge. 

… Right lecture time 

X

Posted in Diet, Girltalk, Holiday, Ibiza, life, Weigh, Weight, weightloss

72 day countdown! 

Posted on by KerryLouise

Ok it’s a random number! It’s slightly annoying but as predicted after the past 2 days I want to get back on plan ASAP, and today is the day.

I woke up feeling so tired, sluggish and dehydrated.

Signs of JUNK FOOD!! 

Since my last weigh in on 13th March I have only lost 2lb and apparently shrunk half an inch. Thank the Boots weighing scale for that. It’s the body fat percentage I am more interested in which because of my inaccurate height on the machine it looks as tho I have gained but we will go with the 33% figure on the most recent print out. I also weigh 12 stone 5, as much in that 11 stone bracket as possible would be nice and of course those important inches. I will do those later. Remember I was 18 stone 5 back after I gave birth in August 2008 so this should be a breeze right! 

Right best get my arse into work mode, hiding in the staff room isn’t going to get me through the day. Tonight I will update on how the day went and explain why an ex managed to get to me AGAIN last night!!! 

Posted in Challenge, Girltalk, Heart, Holiday, Ibiza, Journey, lawstudent, life, Lonely, love, Mistakes, prison, Prisoner, prisonwives, relationship, weightloss

I can’t deal with life today ..

Posted on by KerryLouise

The PVB Blues have hit me. I could do with a day in bed, away from the world. I definitely do not feel like I want to go to work. I am sat in McDonald’s with a coffee and have 7 minutes until I need to be in store. The breakfast snack wrap made me feel a bit better but I know tomorrow I will regret the junk I have eaten the past 2 days. I was doing so well! I knew seeing him would make me love him more, and I knew seeing him would make me step back and look at the bigger picture. I still have 8 months on my own and there is nothing I can do about it. I want him. Only him and I couldn’t move on even if I tried. I am grieving, all over again. I got to a point where I felt ok, I could deal with it, granted I was thinking I may be getting fed up of it all but now I feel like I am at square 1. How the hell did I get through the last 8 months?! This should be the easier 8 months. Lord give me strength! 

Now I am in store I am sitting in the staff room trying to find the motivation to go and do what I am being paid to do. I think food and treats will be the on,y way to get through this weekend then from Monday its the 10 week countdown!! Ibiza time!! Not only do I want to look and feel fabulous but having that as a focus will help my mind set, my mood and my tired levels. 

Right lets being do this. I am strong!