Category: Journey

Posted in baby, Challenge, Cleanse, Detox, Diet, exercise, Fitness, Journey, love, Mistakes, relationship, relationships, Uncategorized, Weight, weightloss

Day 1/40

Posted on by KerryLouise

So there’s 40 days left of this year and after doing so well with my diet I then went way off the rails over my birthday weekend. My weight loss stood at 2 stone 3 lbs, weighing in at 14 stone 2. Exactly 2 stone heavier than I was this time last year. I’m not weighing myself now until Christmas Eve!! 

I haven’t updated my blog in a while and I do need to fill in the gaps. All that needs to be said now is .. my man is back home. He’s back to being amazing, and loving. The man I know he can be. I see him with our daughter and my heart bursts with love. I actually don’t know how I got through 4 weeks of knowing he was with someone else!! Crazy!! 

I’m feeling crappy today. My first period in 11 months is proving to be hellish and I’m feeling a little run down. I would love to just eat rubbish but it’s just a vicious circle. Dominic is out playing pool and knowing I’m feeling crappy he text me saying ‘hope you’re feeling ok’, crazy to think that 5 weeks ago he didn’t seem to even think about me. Although he has later admitted that was never the case.

Baby Ariana is gorgeous! Trying tonight to get her into more of a routine since I’m not breastfeeding as much anymore. I can hear her talking to herself in her crib but she’s there and she’s been there since 8:30pm. Hoping to have mastered that by New Year and also my 8 year old ! Far too many late nights for her! 

Breakfast: Granola and milk (was meant to use almond milk but was in auto pilot)

Lunch: chicken drumsticks

Dinner: rice and lamb curry leftover from what Dom made last night 

Snacks: Banana, apple, cereal bar, olives

Drinks: Detox tea (must drink more water) 

Exercise: None

Cigarettes: 2!!! (Bad) 

Posted in Challenge, cheat, court, Deceit, Girltalk, Heart, Heartbreak, intimate, Journey, life, police, prison, Prisoner, prisonwives, relationship, sex

A new start ?

Posted on by KerryLouise

I failed in waiting for him to call, Sunday blues came and the sadness took over me. I couldn’t understand how someone who was so involved in my life can literally walk away without a second thought. He responded to my text by saying I had told him not to call me but he would ring me soon. He didn’t. He rang me over 24 hours later. 

He began with small talk, what had I been up too, how am I? He even asked what had I bought him whilst shopping. I joked by saying I had bought him a frying pan to hit him over the head with and not what he had suggested that I was finally going to cook for him. He mentioned that he didn’t understand women and why they needed closure. I pointed out that hanging me on a thread wasn’t fair either, again he didn’t make any real sense and said he still wants to be my friend. He was trying to make it easier for me apparently, how he heard that my Dad was giving my man a job and them sort of things and so didn’t want to get in the way. He knew all of this right from the start, I never once even let him believe maybe we could be together. Maybe I was harsh in saying that he really didn’t need to protect me as I’m the one who would be completely fine as soon as I had my man home. I sensed that he knew this was true. He admitted he had a lot going on and really was in no position to be with me properly, I reiterated that that was never my intention. I feel like more was said, he asked when I was back in town, and seemed sure he would see me again. This leads me to believe that there is no one else but some kind of crazy ‘deal’ that is going on, I did hear something quite suspect when I was last there. Again he went by saying he’d call me back. I will leave him now, it is sad to think he’s out my life now but it was always going to have to be like that one day. It’s not like I don’t have my Mr Right anyway and I’ve been through a lot worse before in regards to losing these man friends, I will cope even if my beloved doesn’t get tag. 

Last night I admitted to my beloved regarding the fling I’ve had. It went better than I expected. He was quiet, angry, hurt, disappointed but he understands that this was just his karma after the way he treated me before. Our call ended on a positive, he truly loves me, this has shown me more than ever. To forgive me for this, takes some guts. My gosh I love him. Within 10 days I should find out if I’m getting him home or not. 

Posted in Challenge, Fitness, Girltalk, Heart, Heartbreak, Journey, lawstudent, Lonely, love, Marathon, Mistakes, mother, police, prison, Prisoner, Running, sex, single mum, Singlemum, student, Weight, weightloss

A social media rant 

Posted on by KerryLouise

Snapchat and Instagram, social media sites that when used properly can be fun, light-hearted and enjoyable but once again this evening the cousin has made my blood boil. This time on snapchat, man is doing videos of his cash saying ‘look at all his money’… It probs looks about £300. £400 tops!! Does he not realise in the grand scheme of things that isn’t a great deal?! Like if I didn’t have a mortgage to pay and a flat to run I would be laughing. It’s called being an adult! Having bills to pay and a flat I can call mine is far more important than having a few quid in my pocket. Last I heard he worked at KFC but with no responsibilities (as he doesn’t pay for his kids) I can see why he got a little excited over some paper. Jeez. The man is so stupid. Well I say man, nothing grown up about that boy. I know what he’s doing too, making out like its ‘trap money’, the silly little boy couldn’t run a vegetable patch let alone trap on the streets like life is some rap song. I need him as far away from my man as possible. Embarrassing. Time I removed him! 

Today I worked for a GPS sports watch brand, and now I need one in my life. If I get accepted into the marathon I Defo need to purchase one. At about £140 though they are not cheap but I see it as an investment and as I was once spending that on a PT per month this is well worth it. 

1767 calories today, no run but I did walk over 11,000 steps at work so I have been active. No studying tonight, too tired. There’s still time yet though, maybe something relatively straight forward like Occupiers liability. Must keep up the momentum! 

Posted in Beauty, Challenge, Fitness, Girltalk, Heart, Holiday, Ibiza, Journey, law, lawstudent, life, Lonely, love, mother, prison, Prisoner, prisonwives, Running, sex, single mum, Stretch marks, student, Weight, weightloss

1 Saturday down , 5 to go ..

Posted on by KerryLouise

.. Until I am able to go out and party!! I have my little girl tonight anyway so wouldn’t have gone out tonight but tomorrow could have been a possibility. Craving a good night out so bad!! 

1,818 calories today, had a Chinese with my mini me but counted it correctly. I didn’t snack at all today and that makes such a big difference in your calories, they soon add up. I was under on the fat and sugars content too. I didn’t manage to go for that run this morning, woke up feeling so groggy as I have been doing for a while now. More water, more water a must and back drinking my herbal teas I once got into a good routine with. 

I bought a new cream today and at nearly £10 (and that was half price) it wasn’t cheap. Nip + fab tummy fix it’s called, the reviews look good and after I stood in my underwear in front of the mirror at the sunbed shop I realised how bad the tummy situation is. I took a photo, not brave enough to upload yet but I will do if I get a good picture in a month or so to compare it. Will let you know if it works. I know it’s pretty natural to have stretch marks and excess skin after a pregnancy and especially for someone like me who has lost over 6 stone but to me it just looks weird. Not natural at all. I did get into a good shape last year and it began to look better but I was having a personal trainer then, I am hoping I can do it again without one. 

It’s 1:40am, I did my usual of having a late evening kip to study more effectively. It works yet my body clock is all over the place. Proud of what I have achieved tonight tho. Tomorrow I am working again, cinema date with my daughter then I will pick a different topic to get my teeth into. I’ve got this!!

65 days till Ibiza !! 

Posted in Challenge, Company, Diet, Fitness, Girltalk, Journey, lawstudent, Lonely, love, Mistakes, relationship, student, Weight, weightloss

So it’s May .. 

Posted on by KerryLouise

The fifth month of the year… I just need to get to the twelfth month and this empty lonely feeling will have gone. 

This time last year I knew he was going, I knew my life was about to change. I need to feel comfort in the fact that it’s now all in the past and the time is ticking and it will end! 

Now let’s get through May! 

May challenges: 

lose 5lbs 

Study at least 1 hour a day , 3 hours on days I’m not working 

No more wasting calories on junk food 

Run 100k (using Nike plus) 

Been to the cinema tonight, been home over an hour and I have just laid in bed wasting time, as per! Revision timetable is going to be planned now and then more Human Rights revision. 

1,845 calories consumed and I was slightly over on fat and sugars but that’s ok. I didn’t eat any ‘junk’ which is my collective word in May for chocolate, crisps, sweets and your obvious crap that most of us consume daily. I think the sugar was high in my diet today due to the smoothie I had which was yummy! So whatevs.

I ran 4k in 23 mins 37 seconds this morning, my plan is for tomorrow an early morning run at the gym and complete the 6.4k the nikeplus app is telling me to do. 

May I’m ready …. Kinda! 

Posted in Company, Diet, Fitness, Girltalk, Heart, Heartbreak, Journey, law, lawstudent, life, Lonely, police, Prisoner, relationship, Uncategorized

I feel so sad …

Posted on by KerryLouise

I need to snap out of this. I have already napped for a while. These exams won’t revise themselves! BBC Question Time is just making me angry, and I keep thinking about sweets to make me feel slightly happy. 

I miss him, I miss him so much. A year ago today was when he was arrested. A year ago tonight I had a sleepless night not having a clue what was happening just wanting to hear his voice. Why do I feel so sad? The good news is this time next year he will be here, back with me and probably annoying me lol. 

His brother rang me today. I couldn’t believe it. He’s been gone 8 months and he is only just asking me for his prisoner number and address. He also said he felt he had a duty to see if I’m ok beings I am his brothers missis. Say what??? The last time I even spoke to him was after he was screaming in my street at us both. That being said I do hope he does write to him and they can have a normal relationship now. Family is important, even if they do have some making up to do. 

1,376 calories today, not enough water and I really need sweets to get me through my revision session ! 

Law student life !!! 

Posted in Challenge, Diet, Fitness, Heart, Ibiza, Journey, lawstudent, student

Day 4 and in need of a plan …

Posted on by KerryLouise

… So it’s 4 weeks to exams, I have quite a lot of work booked in and also training for the 10k Race for life.

I have just had a meeting with my personal tutor (very late in the year) but the action plan section we had to think about got me thinking about how action plans can be a very good idea not only academically but also in real life. Tonight I shall plan a revision timetable for the next 4 weeks. 

I went over 2,000 calories yesterday the co co pops got the better of me and although today I am not eating badly I know this evening potentially a chippy is on the cards. As long as I don’t over eat right? My relationship with food can be  just like that , my mentality of ‘diet starts tomorrow, eat all the food’ has happened far too much in the past and ironically the times I have lost the most weight and felt the best have been times I have trained ALOT and not focused too hard on the word ‘diet’. My fitness pal is great for that, just making me a little bit more conscious of what I am eating and how much. I was getting into the habit again of thinking I had ate a lot in one day, “so let’s just eat some more” when in reality I really hadn’t. 

The truth is I am already feeling loads better, my legs are back to looking slim and if I turn to my side and breathe in 😉 I know I can get there. Basically what I am saying is, if I want chocolate I am going to eat it. Revision and sugar free is just too much, plus I have 4 weeks after exams finish before Ibiza when I can focus more on nutrition. 

The more I think about the marathon the more I hope I am successful it getting a place. I have ALOT to work on but I am prepared for that challenge. 

… Right lecture time 

X

Posted in Challenge, Diet, Fitness, Girltalk, Heart, Journey, lawstudent, Lonely, prison, Prisoner, prisonwives, student, Weight, weightloss

Day 3 .. 69 days till Ibiza

Posted on by KerryLouise

I woke up feeling shattered, going to bed now feeling shattered and it’s only 8:30pm. I did a 1k run just after the school run thinking it is at least something and means less time wasted in a gym. My legs are still aching from yesterday and it didn’t go well. 

Been really hungry today and eaten 1’530 calories. I can hear the co co pops talking to me from the cupboard too, it’s inevitable that a bowel of those will be consumed. Argh I don’t want to feel this tired, I wanted to do some more revision tonight, it’s hard at the best of times let alone when I am feeling so tired. 

Anyway my boy called me early this morning. That hasn’t happened in months, it’s almost like he knew I needed to speak to him. See soul mates. He said he had had a really vivid dream and he needed to hear my voice, I do still like those unpredictable phone calls. I spoke of my concerns and his response was as I expected, and I now feel a little stupid for getting so irate over a comment his stupid cousin put on social media. He had only 5 minutes this morning but he called back later in the afternoon. He wants a future, proper stability, as I knew. I told him how I just get scared about the future and how I could end up back in the same situation once again. He understood and then admitted he gets scared everyday that I could get taken from him. By someone with more money, more stability, better educated etc. I hear that but I am glad he has some insecurities anyway. 

Anyway co co pops are calling …. 

Posted in Challenge, Fitness, Heart, Heartbreak, Journey, lawstudent, love, Marathon, Mistakes, relationship, Running, weightloss

Day 2 and somewhat calmer .. 

Posted on by KerryLouise

I have calmed down, I should give him the benefit of the doubt really after all I’m going by a stupid Instagram post and knowing his cousin he just wants to show off. Although not quite sure what there is to show off about ‘trap money’ but hey. This being said I will talk to him about it of course but I cannot ignore what he has said to me, he wants a real job, a real career, a real family and his days of being on the streets are long gone. I guess I just fear the worst but can you blame me?

On a positive note I have decided to run the London marathon next year, well I have applied anyway, fingers crossed my chosen charity accepts me. It is a massive challenge but it is something I have always wanted to do and what better than to do it the year I am 30. The year my life has a new beginning with my soul mate home. 

Today I have consumed 1,330 calories, I did 8k earlier on the treadmill. Well it was interval training but believe me it put me through a right sweat. 1 minute brisk walk 1 minute sprint for 56 minutes. Determined to beat my 1hr 12 mins for this years 10k Race for Life. All this sexual frustration is coming to some use in my running 😉 

Posted in Deceit, Journey, law, life, love, Mistakes, police, prison, Prisoner, prisonwives, relationship

I’m so angry !! 

Posted on by KerryLouise

Seriously! So angry! He can tell me what he likes but let’s face it I have absolutely no idea what he tells others. The number of times he assures me he’s cutting people out his life and how shit is going to change, how the events that have previously occurred due to his illegal activity will never happen again. I must be a fool to believe that, a fool. He tells me yesterday that he spoke to his cousin (the one who hasn’t so much wrote him a letter) and his excuse was ‘it hurts too much and he rather wait and give him money to help him on his feet when he’s released.’ MASSIVE LOL, what fucking bullshit. What money? Man don’t have no money for his own kids, and help him on his feet? They are all on drugs I swear. He’s coming home to me, to live with me, what does his cousin ACTUALLY think he will need?!? Why can’t my boyfriend just man up to him and tell him exactly what he tells me? It’s weird! This happened before, I was always competing with his jealous cousin like we are in some playground fighting over a best friend! Guess this is what I get for mixing with 21 year olds! 

Anyway I’m on Instagram doing my usual ‘anything but studying’ routine and his cousin has uploaded a picture of himself and my boy announcing to the world … ‘Cuzzy said look after the trap #hebeback’ with some pointless money emoticons. This translates to English as ‘let’s make more illegal money when he’s out.’ To be honest I don’t even care if he told him this and was lying to him because he’s certainly lying to one of us. Showing off to him like he still wants that life, like I know he doesn’t well THOUGHT I knew! Why can’t they just grow up?! I feel so hurt I just wish I NEVER met him!!